The Story of Us After
by SarahJaneS
Summary: Castiel spends a lifetime with Dean, but what happens when that lifetime ends? How far will Castiel go to remain beside the man that he loves? This story illustrates that love, hurt, triumph, and defeat of a lifetime of love. It shows the strength in an eternal bond with a life partner. It shows what Castiel is willing to do and willing to sacrifice for the Dean. Told in 3 parts.
1. Chapter 1

**Part one: The Story of Our Lives**

Age 37

"Happy birthday, Dean!" Sam said jovially when Castiel opened the motel door to his knock. In Sam's hand, he carried a sixpack of bottled beer. Dean, sitting on the edge of his narrow bed, glanced at his brother, and grunted in response.

They were nestled in a cozy motel located in a scenic back road of Arkansas. Or, in Dean's words, they were squatting in a shit hole cash- only roach room barely big enough to contain the three of them comfortably, in the middle of bum fuck Egypt. Cas could not comprehend what bums or Egypt had to do with anything, but he learned to limit his constant questions for clarification so as to avoid annoying his friends. Castiel didn't need to know everything inside and out. Just being a part of their adventures was enough to make him happy.

"Today is your birthday?" Castiel asked, turning to Dean with a tilt of his head. He knew what the earth custom signified although he did not entirely understand why any mortal would celebrate growing older and that much closer to death.

"I don't know, I don't pay attention to these things," Dean grumbled.

"It is definitely his birthday today, Cas. Dean is thirty seven!" Sam grinned mischievously which only worsened under Dean's scrutiny.

"Should we not get a cake?" Castiel offered and Dean groaned. Sam laughed, and pulled a beer from the tote to hand to his brother.

"You know what I want to do on my birthday, Cas? Hunt." Dean looked up at Cas and his face broke into an endearing smile. Castiel swallowed against a thickness forming in his throat.

"Well, I thought you might say that," Sam said with a smile to match his brothers, "so I took the liberty to research ways to kill this water troll we've been hunting."

"Great! So how do we stop this son of a bitch?" Dean asked his brother gruffly; returning to all business. Twisting off the cap, he took a deep draw from his beer.

"According to legend, if you dip a blade in moonlit fresh water, it will be anointed, and we should be able to take him out," offered Sam and Cas turned his attention to study his tall friend. Lately, Sam has been at constant war with himself over his growing desire not to hunt. It's the family unity that keeps him going, and the desire to not let his brother down. Cas could understand the feeling. Since the moment that Cas pulled Dean from perdition, he has felt compelled to protect the righteous man, and to serve him in any capacity, even if it cost Castiel in the process.

"Great!" Dean said and rested his beer with a soft thunk before getting to his feet. The bed screeched for the relief of its burden and Cas studied the place where Dean once sat. He wondered how long the sheets would linger with Dean's warmth. "Let's go do this thing. Cas, you comin'?" Castiel started a little at hearing his name and he lifted his eyes to Deans.

"...ofcourse," he managed to say, and Dean stepped into his space with a half smile.

"Good, we could use your help," he said with his voice softening. He reached out and tugged Castiel's tie straight. Cas studied the soft curve of Dean's lower lip. Satisfied, Dean stepped away with a casual pat on Cas' s shoulder. "Let's go!" He said with a cheeky smile and headed towards the door.

Castiel glanced in the motel mirror and studied his reflection with a turn of his head. Gently, his fingers trailed against the knot of his tie; corrected with Deans knowing fingers. Castiel wondered, if he mussed the tie once more, would Dean reach to fix it again?

Age 38

"Finish the spell!" Dean screamed and his face twisted in pain. Castiel took a step towards him, glaring at the demon that gripped at his throat, but then paused. Glancing over his shoulder, he examined the swirling light that surrounded the shallow spell cauldron. The task was almost done and they didn't have much time left.

Knowing Dean was usually capable of overcoming a demon on his own, Castiel strode towards the cauldron. Walking past Sam, he bent to one knee and rested fingers on the younger brothers head. Sam was well; merely knocked unconscious from the attacking demon, so Castiel moved on.

Reaching the cauldron, Cas's fingers closed around the remaining ingredients for the spell. Blood of a demon, fur of a hellhound, tears of an angel...Cas threw everything into the boiling liquid in the bowl. As soon as the liquids connected, the bowl undulated with pulsing smoke that bellowed over Castiel and spread the encompass the room. Vision became impossible but in the clouds of smoke, a few feet away, Castiel could hear the screams of a demon and breathed a heavy sigh of relief. It must have worked.

They have done it. The spell barred any demons from occupying human bodies without getting permission from the vessel first. It was the only method that angels have used since the beginning of time since humanity should be protected and given a fair choice. But demons always took what they felt they earned by right. With this no longer an option, the balance between heaven and hell was restored once more. Smiling to himself for the great victory, Cas turned his attention back to his friends.

"Dean!" Cas called out, but no response returned to him from the smoke filled abyss. Worry edged along the surface of Castiel's good mood, and he lifted his hand to push Grace filled air through the room. Cas made quick work of pushing all the smoke through every crack and crevice of the rugged cabin room until the air within was clean and sweet once more.

Scanning the room, Castiel's eyes immediately fell on Dean. He lay collapsed against one of the cabin walls with the vessel of the attacking demon strewn out on the floor a few feet away. Dean was slumped to the side and his eyes were drawn shut. Cas sucked air through his teeth and rushed to the hunters side. Frantic trembling fingers touched Dean's forehead and Castiel probed his body. _Be ok. Please be ok._

Cas determined that the demon had tried to enter Dean in the panic of the new spell while it was being forced out of its vessel. As a result, it locked smoke deep into Dean's lungs. He was not breathing, and while his heart still thrummed, without oxygen his heart did not have many more seconds of effective circulation. Already Cas could feel it beginning to slow. The thought of Dean dying overwhelmed him. Cas hovered a moment, suspended by his panic, while his throat emitted a thready keening sound.

Then, Castiel forced himself to action and gently lowered Dean the rest of the way to the floor. He had been bestowed with this knowledge from Metatron and he knew what to do. He reached trembling fingers to Deans face, and tilted back his chin. Closing his nose, Cas leaned in and connected his lips to the hunters so as to push clean air into Deans lungs. When Dean did not respond to the effort, Castiel performed the breathing technique again. And again.

He allowed his fingers to probe and could feel Dean's heart beating slower and slower until the panic that gripped Castiel threatened to overcome him. Forcing himself to action, Cas threaded his Grace through his breath and brought his lips to Dean's once more. Suddenly Dean gasped in a lung full of air and rolled on to his side to cough.

"Dean," Cas whispered under his breath, barely audible to even his own ears. Relief flooded through him, making all his limbs go weak and Castiel slumped against the floor. Watching Dean catch his breath, Cas realized that there was something more than just relief going on in the merge of angel and vessel. His heart thrummed in his chest, his gut ached with longing, and his lips burned from the feel of Dean's lips upon them. What was happening to him?

Dean blinked tears out of his eyes and turned to peer up at the angel.

"Cas?" He said, his throat raw and gruff. Without thought, Cas pulled Dean towards him and enveloped the hunter in an embrace. The realization that he could have lost Dean; that every day he could lose Dean, gripped Cas with such a terror that his whole body started to tremble. His wings, usually unseen to human eyes, quivered uncontrollably as they encircled Dean's flaccid form. "Cas..." Dean croaked, then pursed his lips to work moisture back into his mouth. "You ok, Cas?"

Cas laughed at the absurdity of the question. "I should be asking you that, Dean." His fingers tangled into Dean's hair; caressing, soothing.

"You're trembling," Dean noted, staring up at him.

"I thought I was going to lose you," Castiel whispered and he pulled Dean closer until the hunters head nestled against Cas's chest. "I can't lose you, Dean." Leaning, Cas nuzzled the soft soapy smell of Dean's hair against his cheek and closed his eyes.

"Why?" Dean said, just just as softly, and pulled away so that he could lift his head to look Cas in the eye. His eyes were wide and confused; swimming with the emotion of so many unspoken words. "What have I ever done to deserve you giving such a damn about me?" Cas' breath caught in his throat and his eyes drifted down to the swell of Dean's lower lip.

"Dean..." Cas whispered the word like a prayer, and his head tilted to close the distance between them. A soft noise escaped the back of Dean's throat when Cas kissed him. Not uncommon with the basic aspects of the function, Castiel was surprised at how his body blossomed heat in ways he never experienced when he kissed Meg. Or watched the pizza man videos. Never before had he experienced this level of rightness as though every puzzle piece fell into place. How many years had he wanted this? Since the beginning? Probably so. His body thrummed in response to the cascade of powerful emotions teasing through him. It made Cas feel consumed with...hunger? Desire? He had nothing to compare it to to know.

Leaning in further, Castiel deepened his kiss. He nipped at the hunter's lower lip that he had spent so many years admiring, and slid his hand up Dean's back to pull him closer still. His kisses became long and desperate, and with a sudden fervor, Dean was kissing him back. Cas gasped and the hunter stole his breath away. Arms reached up to encircle Cas, wings drooped down to comfort Dean, and both angel and man lost sight of all existence but for each other. After an eternity; after an instant, Dean pulled away from Castiel's hungry kisses and looked at his brother who still laid motionless a few feet away.

"Sam?" The question was for Castiel.

"He's just unconscious," the angel said, and leaned in to capture the hunter's lips once more. If Castiel had known how this would make him feel; how his heart raced and his breath quickened just at the closeness of the other man, he wouldn't have spent so many years idly admiring Dean from a far. Dean drew each kiss in with a soft breathy moan that made Castiel feel like he was going to boil over with all emotions rattling through him, but too soon the hunter was pulling away from him.

"Later," Dean said breathlessly and Cas was pleased to see how flushed and aroused the hunter appeared to be as well. "We have to get out of here." Agreeing, Castiel squeezed Dean to him once last time and the helped the hunter to his feet.

Castiel helped Dean pull Sam from the floor, and with one arm slumped over each man's shoulder, they navigated the taller brother to the car.

"So the spell, it work?" Dean asked Cas as they walked.

"Yes Dean, I'm pretty sure it did." Castiel said quietly. His mind was still racing and reliving the moments of their kiss.

"Well," Dean said with a sly chuckle, "this turned out to be a pretty kick ass birthday." Castiel blinked in surprise. He had not registered the human calendar date until that moment. He would never forget the day again.

Age 39

Castiel paced the length of the room, and checked the clock nervously. Sam had texted that they were on their way back, so why were they so late? Glancing at the table, Castiel confirmed all was in place, and then resumed his pacing.

Suddenly he heard a car door slam and Castiel gasped. Turning, he glanced at the couch nested in the corner of the apartment sized motel room. Quickly he stripped off his coat and slung it over a chair. He tugged at his tie, pulling it askew, and sat on the floral printed couch cushions. Keys rattled and voices caught at his ear from outside. Castiel draped his arm casually over the couch, then turned, and leaned against the side of the couch with his back, then turned once more and tried to look casual as he draped his legs over the adjacent cushion.

A key slid into the deadbolt with a soft _shunk_. Cas turned to see a book placed as an offering on a side table and cracked it open in his hand. When the door came open, Castiel casually flipped a page.

"-and that's why busty Asians beat busty brunettes any day," Dean was saying as they entered the room. Sam rolled his eyes and then grinned at the angel.

"Hey, Cas, sorry we're late. I hope you weren't worried," Sam said and Castiel casually closed his book and set it down beside him. He suppressed a wince to see it was the bible. King James no less, but hopefully the brothers wouldn't notice.

"Late? I didn't notice," Castiel said casually and raised his arms in a lazy stretch.

"You're a horrible liar," Dean said with a grin and moved to greet the angel. As soon as he left the small foyer, the room came into full view and Dean stopped in his tracks.

In the kitchen area a narrow table was decorated with a cloth and porcelain plates. Candles illuminated the scene and the centerpiece was a plate of cheeseburgers that Castiel had made himself.

"Um..." Castiel got to his feet and sheepishly glanced at Dean. "Happy birthday." Dean turned and peered intently into Castiel's eyes. His face was slack, his expression unreadable, and Castiel lowered his gaze under the scrutiny. Dean stepped closer to Castiel, entering his personal space.

"Cas," he heard Dean say softly, and the hunters breath tickled against his cheek. "Did you do all this for me?" Cas nodded dumbly, suddenly too embarrassed to formulate words. Dean reached out and took Cas's hand, and he pulled the angel towards him.

Dean's kiss was gentle and soft. Different from the heated kisses of so many times that year. The long periods of time with no affection at all followed by lust driven encounters in dark corners of the world that left Castiel breathless but lonely in the end. He yearned for so much more. His heart wanted a lifetime of Dean and the rations of affection were just barely enough to keep him from falling into despair. This kiss was entirely different. Also, it was in front of Sam who appeared just a surprised as Castiel was. Cas supposed Dean had his reasons for keeping his brother in the dark, not least of which being all the ways Sam would explain how it was such a bad idea. But now suddenly Dean was openly kissing him, and kneading the skin just below his ribs, and tracing gentle fingers through his hair.

"The...the food is going to get cold," Sam said weakly. Dean turned and flashed a foxy grin towards his brother.

"Oh we would hate for that to happen," he said with a chuckle.

"Actually, I have been keeping everything at perfect temperature with my Grace," Castiel managed in a ragged voice. How did he become so out of breath? "Without over-cooking of course." Dean turned back to Cas and lifted his fingers to pull at Cas's tie to correct it. Smiling, he leaned in for another brief kiss, but as soon as it began, he was already pulling away and making his way to the table.

"You're not just an angel, you're a saint," he called over his shoulder, and Cas reveled in the heat filling his chest.

Castiel expected Sam to ask questions. Demand to know how long things were going on between Dean and him, but surprisingly he didn't mention the kiss once. He complimented the food and talked about the hunt. He begged off queries regarding his wellbeing and said he was just tired. It had been a long day. His hip hurt from the vampire throwing him into a wall.

Underneath it all, Castiel could see the distant look in Sam's eyes, and he recognized that look from his own past thoughts. Sam was seeing Dean's future with someone else and Cas could tell that it made Sam feel lonely. Castiel almost regretted making such an elaborate effort of Dean's birthday.

When Dean ate his fill of what what he described to be the best burgers ever made, Castiel cleared away the plates and took them to the small kitchen sink. He sheaded his jacket, draping it over his trench coat, and rolled up his sleeves so as to not wet them in the dishwater.

"Man, Cas," Dean said with a groan, "I don't think I could eat another bite if you begged me too."

"That's unfortunate," Castiel said over his shoulder as he drew water into to the sink. "I constructed an apple pie in lieu of a birthday cake since it's pie that you prefer."

"Constructed? Apple pie?" Dean asked, sitting up in his chair.

"It isn't too difficult," Cas said with a casual shrug over a task that had taken him six months to perfect, "when everything tastes like molecules, it's easy to fit those molecules together in the right flavor combination."

"Well let's have it then!" Dean said and pointed fingers at the empty table space in front of him. "Hit me." Cas looked over his shoulder and planned a halfhearted retort to tease Dean for his earlier declarations, but seeing the eagerness in the hunter's face made it impossible to refuse them. Instead, Cas glanced at Sam who was studying the contours of his hands.

"Sam, would you like some?" The younger brother smiled weakly and shook his head. Turning, Cas opened the oven and pulled out a warm crusty apple pie. He sliced a generous portion onto a plate and handed it to Dean. Returning to the dishes, he watched out of the corner of his eye as Dean cut a large chunk away with his fork and scooped into his mouth. His jaw worked for a second and then stopped. His eyes grew wide; pupils dilating, and he looked up at Castiel.

"Sam?" Dean said his mouth still full of pie.

"Yeah, Dean?" Sam lifted his head head to look at his brother.

"You're getting your own room tonight."

Age 40

Dean pushed Castiel, and the angel allowed himself to fall back against the bed. Dean was on top of him in an instant; pulling at Castiel's shirt, exposing the soft skin of his stomach, and he ran his tongue against the sensitive flesh.

"The pie was amazing," he mouthed against Castiel's ribs.

"Better than last year?" Castiel asked, his breath already quickening under the hunter's touch. That was the thing with Dean. Even after all this time, it felt like it was still the first time with him.

"Much better than last year." Dean lifted his body over Castiel's, and drew himself up to meet the angels lips with his. The kiss was gentle and deep, but already Cas could feel the timid brush of hardness rubbing against his thigh. He let out a soft moan in anticipation of things to come.

Dean pulled at Cas's clothing, working his trench and jacket off of his arms, and then bit into his shoulder through the thin cotton of Cas's dress shirt. Cas bucked into Dean involuntarily, and shuddered at the contrast of pain radiating from his shoulder and pleasure radiating from his dick.

"You complete me Cas," Dean kissed into his neck while he pulled at the buttons of the other man's shirt. Some buttons detached completely in his desire, but it mattered little. Castiel would put it to rights in the end.

Hot fingers slipped behind Castiel and pulled at the skin of his back. Cas reached and tugged at Dean's shirt as well, slipping it easily over the hunter's head. Dean's clothing was so much more convenient to remove, and while Castiel adored his trench coat and the history he had with it, maybe he should try other attire that Dean didn't have to tear off of him all the time.

Suddenly, Dean grinded his hip against Cas's cock and the angel threw his head back to moan.

"Stop spacing out so much," Dean snapped and his lips caught the angels in a kiss. He nipped at Cas's lower lip and then licked it to sooth before sliding his tongue between Castiel's teeth. The feel of Dean's tongue in his mouth sent a jolt of aching want along the length of his shaft letting lose a spot of pre-cum to dampen his boxers. He rutted into the sensation, allowing the friction to bring him ever closer to that breaking point.

"No," Dean said and pulled away from Cas. The sudden absence of heat left the angel longing and his body writhed against the bed.

"Come back, Dean," he panted.

"In a minute," Dean's voice was husky and wrecked. He undid Castiel's zipper and fly, and pulled down his pants. Castiel was sad at the loss of friction when Dean stripped him naked, but closed his eyes and reveled in the way Dean looked over him. They had been together long enough, fucked and made love enough times to know what the other person liked. Castiel, for example, liked when Dean looked at him. While Dean...well...Dean liked when Castiel begged.

"Dean, please," Cas whimpered but the hunter only chuckled. Leaning towards Cas slowly, Dean let his lips skim against Castiel's knee. Cas's knees were very ticklish. Dean knew this. Cas jumped at the touch of his sensitive skin and Dean responded by sliding his hand up the inner thigh of the opposite leg. This drew Castiel up; arching his back, as soft whimpers escaped his lips. Then Dean was brushing soft lips against Cas's knee again causing him to crumple against the bed again with a shudder. Over and over Dean worked at him like this until Castiel relented a never ending stream of longing from his lips.

"Please, Dean. Please fuck me. Don't make me wait anymore. I can't stand this. Please just touch me. Touch me. Dean..Dean..." He reached for his cock, but Dean firmly drew his hand away which did not surprise Castiel in the least. This was how Dean liked him the most, after all. Wrecked with desire, unguarded and vulnerable, completely in Dean's control.

It was no wonder, considering his past, and with recent events between he and Sam. It has been months since the brothers talked to each other. This worried Cas immensely but he didn't know what to do. Sam called himself a 'third wheel', and while the description of the term seemed to fit Castiel's past few years a lot more closely than Sams, Sam was not taking it in stride the way Cas did.

"I said," Dean huffed as his fingers on Cas's thigh turned into a firm grip, "Stop spacing out!" Dean pulled himself forward and ran his tongue down the length of Castiel's shaft. The angel bucked and moaned for the pleasure against his neglected dick. "I hate when you space out on shit," Dean said as his tongue found that particular spot under the head of Castiel's cock that was extra sensitive.

"I'm sorry, Dean," Castiel moaned although if this was the end result of his wandering mind, he was not sorry at all.

"What could you even be thinking about at a time like this?" Dean asked, his lips whispering against that spot, and Cas reveled in the vibration against his skin. The intensity of his longing distracted all logical thought.

"S-Sam," he managed to say and Dean stopped dead. Cas peered down to see the hunter glaring up at him. His eyes blown and sharp in the dim light.

"What did you say?" He had an edge to his tone that left Castiel baffled.

"I'm worried about him," he admitted sadly; his cock, a weighted counterpoint, twitched against his stomach. "I'm worried about both of you."

"Did anyone ever tell you that you think too much?" Dean's voice was dark. Cold. Cas watched the hunter, confused.

"Is something wrong?" He asked; worry of disappointing Dean overcoming his arousal. Dean pulled away from Cas and grabbed the angels hip to roll him onto his stomach. He pulled at Cas's hips and Cas responded to the gesture by going to his knees.

"So here I am," Dean said as he reached for a bottle setting close by, "trying to get you hot. Trying to make you wild," squelching sounds indicate fluid and Cas glanced over his shoulder to see Dean had undone his pants and was working lube over his skin. "and I thought I was doing a pretty good fucking job of it..." Dean tossed the lube aside and drew Castiel closer to him by his waist. "...until suddenly you're thinking about my brother." The implications of what Dean just said hit Castiel like a fist to the gut.

"Dean-" Castiel tried to turn around, but Dean jerked him back into place and then slammed into him with one go. Cas dropped his face against the pillow and cried out from the sudden assault on his prostate. Dean was rough and angry but in spite of the initial pain, Cas's body soon responds to the familiar way Dean fit inside him. Reaching down, he squeezed pleasure from his cock.

"Don't you fucking dare," Dean says icily, and reluctantly, Castiel let go. "Of all the times to worry about Sam, why now?" Cas had to admit that this has been an ongoing issue between the two of them. Dean always clung to the moment; rarely seeing beyond the here and now while Castiel has spent millennia strategizing decades in advance. It was a hard habit to break even during these carnal physical encounters. Maybe if he tried meditation-

"Stop it!" Dean shouted and he gripped Castiel's hips to slam into him hard. Castiel, finally feeling the full effects of the lubricant, felt nothing but pleasure in the exchange.

"I'm sorry, Dean," Castiel moaned into his pillow.

"Don't you see how this hurts me? You thinking about my brother when all I can think about is you." His thrusts became more intense now and Castiel knew Dean was close. He reached for his cock again and was relieved when Dean left him to it.

"I don't want to hurt you, Dean. I never want to hurt you." Castiel moaned at the intensity of Dean inside him. He tightened his grip, timing the jerk of his wrist in rhythm with Dean's thrusts, and suddenly he was cuming. Semen scattered across the sheets and Castiel could feel Dean following suit within him as well. The sex was hard, raw, and angry. It was like nothing Cas had experienced with Dean before. Dean pulled away from him and Cas turned to see the hunter hurriedly dressing.

"Dean, please...can we talk about this?"

"If you worry about Sam so much," Dean snapped, glaring at Cas with glassy eyes, "then go share his bed instead of thinking about him in mine."

"Dean, I don't love Sam," Castiel said desperately, "I love you." Dean paused putting on his second boot to look at him. His face, was utterly undone.

"Of all the times to say it, you had to come up with that now." Unshead tears added sparkle to his eyes, and Dean turned for the door.

"Where are you going?" Castiel called after him.

"Out!" Dean called over his shoulder, "for my happy fucking birthday!" and with a slam of the door, he was gone. Castiel fell back against the bed; naked, confused, and ashamed, and for the first time time in the history of his existence, Castiel cried.

Age 41

"Don't open your eyes," Dean said in his ear, and Castiel smiled. He reached out a hand and Dean was quick to take it.

"This is your birthday, Dean, shouldn't you be the one getting a surprise?" While Castiel in part felt some remorse that he couldn't be the one leading a blindfolded Dean to destinations unknown, the other part of him was beside himself with excitement.

"You always try to make a big deal out of my birthday but we never celebrate yours."

"I don't have one," Cas said flatly. He was never a baby born of a womb. Castiel was simply created.

"Exactly," Dean said jovially and then leaned in close to whisper against Cas's ear.

"Today will be your birthday." Dean's hot breath against the sensitive hairs of Cas's ear made the angel suck in his breath sharply. Dean chuckled from the response.

Pulling Cas along by his hand, Dean led him along an uneven path of gravel terrain.

"We're almost there," Dean called to him and Castiel smiled. He didn't care where they were going. He was just happy to be with the hunter. Every day they were together now. Sometimes they hunted, other times they spent the day making love. Whatever the circumstance or place, Castiel felt as though he was home. In fact, he has been visiting heaven less and less because he knew nothing could compare to his time with Dean. Placing a hand on Castiel's shoulder, Dean indicated the angel to stop.

"We're here," he said and suddenly he sounded nervous. Cas's heart galloped with excitement. He heard a shift of gravel and Dean was close to him again; whispering at his ear.

"I love you, Cas," his voice breathed soft and gruff and Castiel's face bloomed into a smile.

"Is this my birthday present?" He whispered in return and Dean chuckled again. Reaching for the blindfold, Dean untied it and let it fall away.

"No, this is." The sun streaked into Castiel's eyes and he blinked against it. In front of him, an old house looked to be in great disrepair; boarded and neglected from years of unuse.

"This is...Robert Singer's house?" Castiel turned to look at Dean and the hunter smiled.

"Well it was," he said and he took Cas's hand to lead him towards the door, "but when he died he passed it to Sam and I and well, Sam said it was okay if I moved in." Castiel gasped.

"You talked to Sam?" Cas could not even recall the last time Dean spoke to his brother.

"Well, yeah..." Dean responded warily and Castiel's face could not contain the size of smile he wanted to show.

"That's amazing news! This is a wonderful birthday present! Thank you, Dean!" Dean stared at Cas for a moment and then shook his head with a small smile of his own.

"You're missing the point, Cas."

"What is the point then," Castiel asked, stepping closer to Dean. Lifting his hands, he trailed fingers of endearment through the other man's hair.

"Sam signed his half of the deed over to me." Castiel blinked.

"I'm moving in here, Cas."

"Oh?" Cas said and tilted his head to the side.

"...with you."

"Oh...oh!" Realization sunk home and Castiel took a step back to look at the house once more. It was a mess, but the structure was sound, and the location remote enough to not draw suspicion from roving monsters. A house. _His_ house. A house for the two of them. Castiel face fell as he worked to hold back tears.

"Hey, hey," Dean said and he trailed fingers down Cas's back. "Why the sudden water works?" Cas scrubbed at his eyes.

"I'm sorry, I'm just...happy," he said with a laugh and Dean pulled him into a kiss.

They examined the house and discussed what needed to be worked on right away, and what could wait. Castiel thought he might enjoy painting the walls and had to promise the only colors he could chose from would resemble a shade of dirt. Dean talked about getting some of the junk cars scrapped out and fixing up some of the nicer ones to sell. He even discussed opening a shop under an alias.

"What about hunting?" Castiel asked and Dean shrugged.

"I don't want to keep risking my neck until the day I die," Dean said and his eyes sought out Castiel's. "Not when I have you here worrying about me."

Cas swallowed hard. He thought he hid it well enough but Dean could see right through him. It seemed as though he has gotten really good at that. How many times has Dean been in the middle of a hunt and Castiel was gripped with such a panic that he couldn't leave the hunters side? Any time Dean suggested splitting up, Cas blatantly refused, and if Dean was in danger, Cas rescued him before any other. This upset Dean immensely one time when a hostage died because Castiel chose to save Dean instead. The alternative was just too unthinkable to consider.

"Do you..." Cas paused to swallow against the thickness in his throat again, "do you really want that?" He asked in a small voice.

"Yes, Cas, I really do." Dean said, smiling, and Cas threw his arms around the hunter-no-more and berated him with kisses. Never. He would never let him go. Never.

Age 42

Castiel pulled an apple pie from the oven and set it to cool on a rack atop the counter. Taking a step back, he took in the cozy room and let out a contented sigh.

Dean has been so busy working on the house and while Castiel did what he could, his true happiness was making the place feel like a home. He bought furniture on consignment and learned to restore it to its previous luster. He learned to sew, in the most barest of ways, and fashioned curtains that held wards against angels and demons stitched into the seams. He painted the walls; honey colored to satisfy them both, and accented them with a darker chestnut trim. He picked out throw rugs for the wooden floors, and scrubbed the Formica counters to a shine. Dean said that Cas was starting to act like a girl but Cas didn't care. He was so happy; beyond happy living this life with Dean.

They made love often, sometimes rough and sometimes gentle, but always Cas was consumed by his desire. The passion between them never faulted; never dwindled.

They laughed, they fought, they grew and strengthened and each moment they spent together, their bond interwove into something indestructible. It amazed Cas to see how much they grew and how far they had come.

A rattle of the door and a stomp of boot, and Cas turned towards the sitting area just as Dean rounded the corner.

"Mmm," Dean groaned and threw his head back in a very sexually suggestive way, "pie." He made it sound like a holy amen.

"Well...it is your birthday," Cas said with a half-smile and Dean crossed the room to scoop the angel into his arms.

"Well happy birthday to me," he said with his lips whispering against Castiel's, and then he eased into a gentle kiss. It seemed as though his kisses were always the gentlest and most endearing when Castiel baked him pie.

Cas couldn't say how much time had passed, but a knock suddenly rattled the door and the two men pulled away to look into each other's eyes. Each one silently begged the question of the other.

Is the door for you? For me? There was only one person who knew where they lived.

"It must be Sam!" Castiel said with hope welling in his heart. Dean did not look so convinced. When Cas and Dean had moved into Bobby's old place, Sam had helped Dean removed his person effects from the Men of Letters bunker. It had given Cas hope that maybe they could rekindle what they had lost, but alas no word has come from Sam since then, and Dean was just too damn stubborn to make the call.

"Well, only one way to find out," Dean said and went for the door. Castiel turned with a smile on his face and pulled another dessert plate out of the cupboard. This was such great news. Sam finally coming back into their lives.

"...Cas?" Dean's voice carried unease from the door and Castiel paused. Frowning, he placed the plate with the others before going to his lovers side. Rounding the corner, Cas could see Dean holding the door ajar and outside in the dusk of day stood a small petite woman with curly brown hair, and soft doe eyes.

"I-Isabella?" Castiel sputtered. He barely recognized her.

"Hello brother," the girl said with a tilt of her head. Castiel's heart sank.

He invited her in, the angel wards snipped with tiny sewing sheers, and offered her some hot tea. She declined of course. Human food was an acquired taste. She settled into an armchair that Castiel had reupholstered with soft green leather because it reminded him of Bobby, and Cas and Dean crowded into the love seat adjacent to her. The couch usually was cozy on those nights the two men snuggled up to watch an action flick, or talk about their plans for the house, but on that evening their close proximity felt somewhat embarrassing. Castiel refused to be ashamed in front of his little sister.

With everyone settled, Castiel waited for Isabella to speak. She smiled at him warmly but an angel smile never touches the eyes.

"It's so good to see you again, brother," the tiny woman said as she gently clasped her hands in her lap. He would think her attractive if not for the stark contrast of her large nose in her small pinched face.

"Why are you here, Isabella?" Castiel asked flatly. He was in no mood for angel false pleasantries. Isabella smiled again and turned her attention to picking a stray hair from her skirt.

"God has returned to heaven," She said frankly, and Castiel blinked in surprise. "He asked that I come to retrieve you."

"Retrieve me?" Castiel repeated. His mind whirled with the implications of what that meant.

"He wants all the angels to return to heaven that have found a home here on earth." Isabella said with a shrug and Castiel let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. A mass angel recall couldn't mean that his father's intentions were directed specifically at him, could it?

"For how long?" Castiel asked. He wondered if he could delay his shopping at the market a few days. It should be okay so long as he was able to fix some reheat meals for Dean. It was Isabella's turn to blink in surprise.

"Why...forever, Castiel." Her eyes flicked to Dean for an instant before focusing back on Cas. "Our father wants his flock to return in its entirety and to rebuild what we have lost." Castiel swallowed hard and stilled a tremble that threatened to take control of his hand.

"And if I refuse?" Again her eyes flicked to Dean before focusing back on Cas and she offered a melancholy smile.

"It would be a really big loss to us all to not see you return," She said sincerely, and looked down at her skirt again. "However, God expected some might not want to return. It has been so long, after all." Pulling away from Dean, Cas rose to his feet and peered down at the little angel in front of him.

"What would you have me do?" He said, resigned.

"Give up your Grace," She said smiling up at him. "Cast down your wings. Renounce yourself an angel and you may remain here as a human." Her smile was triumphant. No angel in her mind would willingly sacrifice so much.

"Cas..." Dean began, formulating an argument, but Cas could tell he didn't want to say the words to will Cas away. And really, was there ever any question about what path he would choose? He has been a human before. The notion no longer frightened him.

Turning away from Isabella, Castiel opened the door to his home and went out into the night.

"Castiel!" Dean called after him. Two sets of footfalls followed him outside, but Castiel ignored them. He tugged at the shirt he was wearing and realized it was actually Deans. Grey and soft against his skin. Not wanting to ruin it, Cas pulled it over his head and then brought the shirt to his nose to smell the familiar scent of his lover.

Gently, like stretching stiff limbs, Castiel manifested his wings. He let them come into full existence so that Isabella and Dean both could see the brilliance of them. It felt so good to let them fill to full width. The cool night breezes fluttered his feathers and chills crept along his spine. Flexing them, stretching them, he gave his wings an experimental flap and the warm undercurrent of the air closer to the earth swirled up to caress his face. Castiel closed his eyes.

"Father," he said, tilting his face to the sky, "for so long I have wanted to meet you. I have wanted to gaze upon your magnificence and ask you the thousands of questions I long to have answered. Like what is my purpose? Where do I belong? What am I supposed to do? And yet...in your time of absence I have found my own answers to these questions and more. I belong with Dean. My purpose is to be here with Dean. If this exiles me from heaven...if you strip me from my rank and take my wings because I have chosen the path of free will, then so be it. But please...let me stay. Let me be with him." A breeze stirred around Castiel and he embraced the way it fluttered pinpoints of sensation against his feathers. Walking up to stand beside him, Isabella looked over at him sadly.

"You're a real idiot, you know that?" Was all she said and then in an instant she was gone. Castiel looked down to see the first feather fall. Another soon joined it.

"Castiel!" Dean cried out and he ran to the angels side. Reaching out, Cas took Dean's hands in his and they both looked down to watch black feathers fall like autumn leaves all around them. "What do we do? How do we stop it?" Dean asked frantically.

"We can't," Cas said sadly, and offered a smile of reassurance. He held his wings out for as long as he could. He wanted to feel the stretch and weight of them one last time before they were lost to him forever. And really was it so bad to be mortal once more? Last time he was terrified and hungry and alone. This time, he had Dean.

Castiel's left wing collapsed as the boning support snapped and turned to dust. In the same moment, Dean's face crumpled into open sobs.

"It's okay," Cas whispered through his smile, "it doesn't hurt, Dean."

Dean continued to cry as the last of Castiel's wings crumbled to the ground in a pile of feathers and ash. He cried as the glow of Castiel's Grace fell from him as well to join the rest before dissolving into the earth. He cried long after humanity settled in, unable to move, until Castiel took him into their home and held him close in their bed. Eventually both men fell asleep leaving the pie untouched. Hunter-no-more, angel-no-more. They only had each other now.

Age 43

Dean took the bottle of his empty beer and threw it against the wall. He was angrier than Cas had seen him in a long time, but Cas wasn't going to back down. Not with this.

"Dean, we are going. I am not debating this with you."

"The fuck we are. I don't even know this girl! He has some nerve, Cas. Some fucking nerve."

The wedding invitation had arrived that morning. The printing an elaborate scroll on thick cardstock. It was something they had invested a lot of time and effort into so Cas was certain this wasn't something Sam was doing on a whim. Cas had to wonder though, if the invitation in general could be given the same weight. Had Sam given it any thought at all? Planning to have it arrive on Dean's birthday? Or was it a casual knee jerk decision; expecting a regretful inability to attend by one wayward son and his plus one.

Cas had tried reaching out to Sam on Dean's behest. He even journeyed to the bunker one sunny day after telling Dean he had to work extra hours at the farmers market that day. But the bunker was sealed, the key unaccounted for, and the entrance concealed behind shrubs and sticks. Sam had gone lamb. That was, until today.

"Sam is reaching out to you, Dean, you have to go." Cas saw the way Dean worked his jaw through clenched teeth and closed the distance between them. Kneeling before the other man, Cas rested a hand against Dean's cheek. "Please," he said softly and Dean shrugged.

"Alright. Alright. I'll go." He pulled Castiel closer and drew him into a deep and tender kiss that made Cas's toes curl. Wonder of wonders, and pie wasn't even involved. "You'll send the response?" He asked and Castiel nodded.

"Good," Dean said with a weak smile and then looked away.

"Dean...talk to me. What's wrong?"

"I just..." Dean blinked and looked up at the ceiling. "I just thought if one of us ever got hitched, the other would be the best man, you know?" Cas looked at Dean for a moment and then his eyes fell to Deans hands.

"Maybe..." his voice sounded so small in his ears. "When you and Sam rekindle what you lost at this wedding, maybe...you and I could get 'hitched' as you call it, and Sam could be the best man for us."

"Cas..." Dean's hesitation stung but he gently lifted Cas's chin so that both men were eye to eye. "Cas are you asking me to marry you?" Cas tried to look away but Dean held firm to his face.

"I...I suppose I am," he said with a tremor in his voice. Dean just stared at him for a moment that felt like an eternity but then his face broke into a warm smile.

"I never considered myself the marrying type," he said with a quick arch of his brow, "but it's you Cas. It's only you. There is no one else for me. I love you, Castiel." Tears welled in Cas's eyes but he quickly scrubbed them away before pulling Dean against him in a longing embrace.

"In love you too, Dean, I love you so much, " he yammered on as he suddenly felt desperate to never let the other man go.

"Nothing fancy. We can do it out back here so everyone can see that amazing garden of yours."

"Yes, anything you say. Anything you want."

"I'm not quite sure how this whole guy marriage thing works. Who takes whose last name?" Dean said with a laugh. He nuzzled his nose against Castiel's neck.

"Dean, I don't have a last name," Castiel said, pulling away to look at the most amazing man he has ever been blessed to know. Dean brought his smile to rest upon Cas's forehead in a kiss.

"Then I guess this will make you a Winchester."

Age 44

"Please Dean. Please...please don't do this."

"Stop it, Cas," Dean muttered as he pulled the dust thick tarp away from his car. Baby still shone from the care he gave her, but he hadn't drove her since he stopped hunting. Cas glanced over at Sam who stood a few feet away. When the two Winchester's rekindled their brotherly bond, Cas couldn't have been more excited, but he never imagined that this would happen. Not this.

"Sam," Cas began, his face withered in despair, "talk to him, please." Sam looked down at his feet and his mouth twisted against words he wouldn't say. Castiel tried again. "Please..." Dean slammed the trunk of his car and whirled on Cas.

"Enough! Okay? Just stop it!" Cas glanced down to see the gun in Dean's hand.

"Dean..."

"I'll be fine, stop worrying."

"But what if something happens to you? I can't heal you!" His voice fell to a quivering whisper. "I can't protect you."

"Look," Dean said and stepped closer, "this isn't a hunt. This is revenge. What they did to Garth...no one does that to a hunter. I don't care what he's become."

"But a whole pack," Castiel whispered, despair clinging to each word. "I can't lose you Dean. I can't live without you." Cas reached out and clung to Dean's jacket sleeve.

"Just let me go, Cas, I'll be back before you know it."

"Dean..." Castiel keened and he pulled Dean towards him.

"Let me go!" Dean snapped and he shoved Cas hard against his shoulder. Cas stumbled backwards, shock and hurt transfixed his face as he watched his lover back away. "Just let me go," Dean repeated, softly. Castiel's hurt a mirror reflection on his face. Dean turned and walked to his car. Cas looked at Sam who shyly made his way to the passenger side of the vehicle.

"Uh...sorry Cas," Sam said with an uncomfortable shrug. Somewhere in the night, he had a wife who had to let him go too. "I'll look out for him, okay?" And then he vanished into the car as well.

For a moment Cas thought the dumb thing wouldn't start, but then it roared to life, the engine sputtering on stale gas, and Dean pulled away from the house.

Cas didn't know his legs gave out until his knees scraped against the gravel driveway. He sat and watched the red taillights of the Impala until they winked out from the distance. Then he sat longer, hoping to see headlights returning. But none came.

Age 45

"You're not supposed to see the bride before the wedding," Dean said gruffly.

"Is that you, or me?" Castiel said with a smile. Dean had his back turned, examining his suit in the mirror, and Castiel took the moment to jerk his tie askew. Dean always looked amazing in a suit, but today was different. Perhaps it was the splash of green on his fitted vest, or the way his hair still looked kissed by the sun even in the middle of fall.

When Dean turned to smile at Cas, he almost felt like his heart was going to beat out of his chest.

"You look amazing," he breathed and Dean threw his head back and laughed. He was absolutely beaming and Cas could feel himself swoon. Looking Cas over, Dean appraised him appreciatively.

"You're not so bad yourself, angel," he said, "I hope you don't mind me calling you that." Cas shook his head. He didn't mind at all.

Closing the space between them, Dean reached up to straighten Castiel's tie, and Cas leaned over to kiss him. Their lips touched ever so briefly, Dean momentarily caught off guard, but quickly he pulled away from Cas's caress leaving only the warmth of his breath against Castiel's face.

"You know we can't do that!" Dean scolded, "it's bad luck or something." Castiel smiled at this wonderful sensitive man who tried so hard to be tough but really was as vulnerable as a child sometimes.

"I can't wait to marry you," Castiel whispered. Dean smiled.

"And a porcupine," was his response. Cas blinked in confusion.

"What?" He asked. Dean tilted his head, just as confused.

"What?" Was his response. Assuming this was some kind of human humor that still eluded him. Castiel sighed.

"Come on, they are waiting for us. It's time to, as you put it, get hitched" A smile overtook Dean's face again.

"If we don't know which one of us is the bride, who is going to get walked down the aisle?" Dean teased and Castiel returned his smile.

"We will walk each other down the aisle, my soon-to-be husband." Dean studied Cas's face for a moment and then leaned in to kiss him.

"Bad luck!" Cas hissed and Dean threw his hands up in mock exacerbation.

"Come on! Let's go get hitched already, I need to get laid!"

They walked into the sunlight of a clear fall day smiling at eachother as though there was nothing else in the world. The small group of friends and coworkers cried out "aww" almost in unison and then chuckled at their chorus. Dean and Cas only saw each other, only heard each other, as they walked arm in arm to where Sam stood waiting for them. Sam was the only member of their wedding party.

The officiant, a local pastor from Sioux Falls, began the ceremony and the crowd grew hushed. Castiel's heart fluttered in his chest as he looked over at Dean, and he nervously tugged at the hem of his blue vest. They had come so far, Dean and him, and overcome so many obstacles. Standing there, it felt as though everything was worth it. They reached a point where nothing could stand between them anymore.

"The couple has written their own vows which they would like to share with you today," the pastor said and Castiel tried to swallow at the thickness in his throat. It seemed every time he got emotional his throat threatened to collapse on him.

Cas spent a long time writing his vows, but not as long as Dean. His lover worked with pen and paper for months and Cas was both terrified and elated to hear the end result. Calmly reaching into his jacket pocket, Cas produced a small paper he filled with his delicate cursive scrawl and he cleared his throat to prepare to read.

"Since the moment that I saved you from perdition, I know that I was destined to be by your side. And while we have certainly had our share of obstacles; sometimes others, sometimes ourselves. ..I never gave up on you. I never stopped fighting for you. I never doubted my love for you. And I know now that I never will. You are everything that completes me, and I thank you for being apart of the rest of my life." More endearing sounds from the crowd behind them, and a few friends clapped as well. Cas glanced past Dean to where Sam stood smiling at him, and he felt warmed by the silent acceptance of his friend. Not only was Cas gaining a husband, he was gaining a brother. His only human brother which made him just as special as Dean. Then Cas cautiously looked at Dean.

Dean, the only love he has ever known, had a single tear slip down the length of his cheek. His eyes swam with emotion; with happiness, and Castiel smiled to see him this way.

"Dean, do you have some words you would like to share?" The pastor asked and Dean startled a bit. He glanced around and then fished into his pockets.

"Uh...yeah. Right." Producing a folded piece of paper, Dean pulled it open and then cleared his throat as he studied the words. His eyes scanned the page, top to bottom, left to right. Suddenly confusion played across his features, and a cold dread Castiel could not quite understand clutched at his heart.

"Dean?" He ventured and Dean looked up at him. For a moment he had a stricken panicked look in his eyes, but recovered quickly with a sly smile.

"I'm no good at this emotional stuff, Cas. Sam, would you?" He held out the paper and Sam took it with a gentle smile. Cas could see the confusion he tried to hide behind that smile, but Cas hoped all of this was just nerves. What else could it be? Sam cleared his throat and held the paper before him.

"Dear Castiel," he began and a few chuckled softly at the endearing simplicity of Dean's vows. "You always like to talk about rescuing me. You say 'when I rescued from perdition, I promised to always look out for you, or 'when I rescued from perdition, you promised to always do the dishes.'" The laughter grew at this and Castiel tried to ignore his blush. He had said that once, but it didn't work. Dean still refuses the dishes.

"But what you don't talk about," Sam went on, "is how you didn't just rescue me, you saved me. In that moment when I first saw you and stabbed a knife into your heart," a few more chuckles at this, "I knew that you were different. I knew you weren't going to die or run or turn on me, and yeah. While you have actually done all of these things, you always came back. All the sacrifices you made for me..." Cas looked at Dean, their eyes connecting in the space between then, "all the times you could have given up but never did..." taking a step towards Dean, he chuckled when Dean immediately did the same thing "...I wouldn't have blamed you for not sticking around and yet here you are..." Reaching out, Castiel offered his hands and Dean took them in his own "...marrying a Winchester..." Cas pulled him closer still and their lips sought each other's familiar taste "...and I couldn't be happier."

The crowd cheered even before the pastor announced husband and husband, and Cas was moved by the moment. He reached out and plucked the note out of Sam's hand before Dean grabbed his other arm and whisked him away to the house. Castiel would not be surprised if Dean had intentions on consummating their marriage before the reception even began. And Cas couldn't be happier as well.

Age 46

Castiel stared at the man behind the desk in front of him. His head was spinning, his ears were ringing, and his stomach threatened to relieve itself of the egg white omelet he had consumed that morning. Beside him, Dean slouched in his chair and stared at his hands.

Words like inoperable, terminal, and tumor bounced around Castiel's mind but left him numb to comprehension. The slip up of words, Dean's sporadic inability to read, the way his one pupil dilated more than the other...these were all signs that something sinister was growing inside Dean's brain. A monster far stronger than either of them faced before: cancer. Castiel worked moisture into his mouth with some effort.

"How..." his voice broke and he cleared his throat before starting again. "How long do we have...until..." The doctor shrugged and looked exceedingly uncomfortable.

"It's hard to say for certain, Mr. Winchester. With the cancer this advanced, he could last a few months up to a year. I wouldn't give him much beyond that."

"I am still sitting here, you know," Dean said coldly but the doctor only shrugged.

"Of course," was his reply as though that fixed everything. Castiel glanced at Dean and figured that this was about as much as the man could take. Any more, and Dean would fly over the desk and deck the guy. Getting to his feet, Castiel thanks the doctor for his time, and Dean was already out the door when Cas turned to go.

"Mr Winchester," the doctor called after Cas and he looked back at the man over his shoulder. "Try to make him as comfortable as you can. I provided you with information on hospice services in the paperwork I gave you. I highly recommend you contact them now. Things... can get bad near the end."

Cas swallowed and nodded solemnly at the doctor before turning to leave the room. This wasn't fair. Dean was still so young. They were supposed to have decades ahead of them. He just couldn't believe it would end this way.

Then Cas recalled how Dean was unable to read his wedding vows the previous year. He thought about how Dean's words jumble together or he says things that don't make sense at all. Cas's chest clenched like he was in a vice.

Walking back to the car where Dean waited for him, Cas paused at a trash receptacle. He took the paperwork the doctor had given him and tossed it in the trash. No one would touch Dean but him.

They drove home in silence, and when Castiel offered Dean his traditional birthday pie, Dean just pushed it around his plate.

"Dean...can we talk about this?" Cas offered and Dean just shrugged.

"Nothing can be done so no sense talking about it."

"Nothing in the medical sense!" Cas said, suddenly frustrated at Dean's acceptance of his fate. "But we have other friends, don't we. Some angels might still be loyal to me, they could heal you!"

"No!" Dean shouted and he lifted his head to look at Castiel. "Do not get them involved in this, Cas. They will use me to get to you. Nothing good comes of angels helping." Cas wanted to argue the point but Dean seemed pretty decided.

"Then a demon contract. I get ten years, and I have more than one with you."

"You don't have a soul, Cas, and even if you did, I would never let you become food for the hell hounds." Cas shook his head.

"There has to be something..."

"There is nothing," Dean retorted.

"Maybe if I talk to Sam, he can do some research and-"

"Don't get Sam involved in this!" Dean shouted.

"Why not!" Cas shouted back and rose to his feet. "He has a right to know!"

"Why? So he can watch me die again? Trust me when I say that he and I have had our fill of that."

"Dean! You can't do this," Castiel said, wringing his hands.

"Cas-"

"I can't lose you!" The shout echoed around the room, leaving Cas with his ears ringing and his heart on his sleeve. Tears welled and spilled over only to be replaced with new while Cas struggled to understand what Dean was thinking. Why was he giving up?

"If I was still an angel..." his voice low and shaky.

"Yeah, well you're not," Dean said flatly and Cas winced. "Cas...I have died a lot of times. This demon, that monster, those angels...they all want me dead. Well I'm sick of it. I'm sick of dying and coming back and dying again. I thought what we had here was good. And it was...it was real good, Cas. But now my own brain is telling me it's time to go. So...it's time to go." Cas closed his eyes and fought to hold back his tears. None of this was fair for either of them, and while it didn't make sense to him, Cas had to accept this decision Dean made.

"What do you want me to do, Dean?" Cas asked softly.

"Stay," Dean said just as quietly and he held out his hand towards the other man. "I want you to stay with me until the end. Will you do that for me, Cas?" Cas bit at his lower lip and nodded. Unable to form the words without choking through each syllable, he took Dean's hand and eased into the hunters embrace.

It never crossed his mind that he would do anything but stay until the end.

Age 47

"Happy birthday, Dean," Cas said with a smile as he stood at the entrance to the room.

"C-Cas?" Dean's voice was fragile and barely above a whisper. He turned his head slowly to the direction of Cas's voice. Cas entered the room that they had once shared and wrapped his hands around Dean's cold fingers.

"You remember me today," he said warmly and brought those fingers to his face. Since Dean lost his sight, Cas insisted the man explore his face every day. With all his memories fading, Castiel wants him to at least remember the man that he loved. "I have a surprise for you," Cas said teasingly and he guided Dean's fingers to be his eyes. He lowered the fingers towards his collar, and hooked one loosely over his crooked tie. Dean gasped.

"You're an angel again!" Castiel laughed at this, but was pleased that Dean remembered so much. There were days that Dean was nothing more than an animal. Incapable of speaking, too weak to get out of bed, he would thrash in his incontinence and strike Cas if he came within arm's reach to help him.

Other days, Dean knew the full weight of what he had become and in those days he would beg Cas to kill him. Cas refused, not wanting to do anything that might jeopardize Dean getting into heaven. One horrible time, Cas misplaced a bottle of pain killers and Dean almost did it himself. Cas called Sam in a panic and his brother-in-law rushed over with charcoal for Dean's stomach. That was how he discovered what his brother had become.

It had all happened so fast, and when Cas thought it could not possibly get worse, it always did. Sam was angry, but not surprised Dean wanted him kept in the dark. He also accepted a lot more quickly than Castiel that Dean didn't want supernatural influences to affect his death. Since that time, Sam had helped care for Dean which was good because Castiel needed to maintain some level of employment to get all the medical supplies Dean needed. The hospital bed was the hardest, but Dean needed it desperately when he became bed bound and so they found a rental company to supply most everything he needed.

When once Cas thought about how to please Dean sexually or how to say the right thing to get him to laugh, now Cas worried about turning him regularly to avoid bed sores. Skin integrity, hygiene. He wiped Dean with cleansing wipes and shaved his face loosely so he had just that edge of scruff how he liked it. Cas moved his ankles to avoid contractures, and gave him food with a spoon. He brushed Dean's teeth. He clipped Dean's toe nails. He monitored Dean's headaches which ranged from a mild throb to a pain so severe he once screamed "kill me" for two hours straight.

As the symptoms intensified, Sam came around less and less; offering his money instead of his time. It didn't matter. Castiel promised he would see this through to the end and he would.

"No, Dean, I'm not an angel," Cas said with a chuckle. He hoped this might be one of Dean's better days. "I just thought I'd slip into the old uniform. Do you remember it?"

"Yeah," Dean said softly and he lifted his other hand to place weak fingers against the tie. He struggled a moment but Cas waited to help him, and suddenly the tie slid back into place.

"Thank you," Cas said roughly as tears stung at his eyes.

"Don't be s...sad, angel," Dean whispered his hands slumped back on the bed.

"I'm not," Cas said solemnly.

"Sh...she said...you're...crying." His breaths seemed more labored than before. Cas looked around the room.

"Who said that, Dean?" Cas asked, curious to what memory he was lost in this time.

"The...angel...you...b-brought with..." Cas suddenly looked around the room trying to take everything in at once.

"That's not an angel Dean, that's a reaper!" Glancing over to the dresser, Castiel saw his sewing sheers in a bowl of his things. He lunged for them and used the blade to cut into his skin.

"Don't go near him!" Castiel screamed as he drew a circle against the warm honey hue of the wall in his blood. "Not like this. It's too soon! Not like this!" Quickly, he drew wards into the sigil to bind, to teleport, to confine. It worked on angels, he hoped it worked on reapers too.

"C-C-C..." Cas glanced at Dean and realized that he had slipped into a seizure.

"No!" Cas cried out and ran to the man he loved. Pulling the blankets away, Cas fought to keep Dean from tumbling off the bed.

"C-C..," the sound escaped through clenched teeth and Cas's fingers danced helplessly over the man. He didn't know what to do. He didn't know what to do.

"It's ok, Dean. Shh, it's ok. Please be ok. Please don't leave me. Dean... Dean..." The righteous man; the hunter-no-more, let one last breath escape him in the exertion, and then his body fell limp against the bed.

"Dean!" Cas cried out. "No no no no..." he listened for a heartbeat and heard none. Desperate, he pulled Dean from the bed and onto the floor. It was little effort, with how light he was, and Castiel needed the hard surface behind him. He started CPR. Thirty compressions, two breaths. Cas pumped his hands against Dean's chest.

"Dean -twenty two, twenty three-don't die- twenty five, twenty six- please." He worked until he drove his body to exhaustion, and then continued to work more until he collapsed over Dean's corpse.

Dean's corpse.

Realization hit home and Castiel lost himself in his tears. His body ached and trembled from pain, but he didn't care. He opened his mouth and wailed at the loss of everything he believed in. Everything he loved. Dean was gone. Nothing mattered any more.

Age 48

"You would have been forty eight today," Castiel said softly as he sat in front of a wooden cross he had hammered into the ground long ago. He had burned Dean's body, of course, which was what Dean would have wanted, but he needed a place to go and to remember the man. In this place, Castiel buried many of the items that Dean collected over the years that made him who he was. His magazines, his weapons, his music CDs... they are what Castiel prays to now. He just hoped that Dean could hear him.

The months after Dean's death, Cas prayed to his father until his voice gave out. He begged to return home and to find Dean in heaven, but silence was his only reply. His father had truly turned his back on Cas, and all he could do was give Dean's middle-finger-salute to the sky.

Resting against the nearby oak, Cas trailed his finger along the ridges of the makeshift grave marker. The shade was relaxing and a cooling breeze tickled his skin.

He had chosen this place specifically because this was where Dean would always sit and drink his beer while he watched Castiel garden. Cas definitely understood why. Letting his eyes slip shut, Castiel sought out sleep. His dreams were always filled with Dean. Healthy, vibrant Dean who smiled while he kissed Cas, and growled insensibly as he came inside him. That wonderful man who made Cas feel human long before he lost his wings.

"Hello, Cas," a voice swam towards him and Castiel opened his eyes to see Sam standing a few feet away, holding a small leather satchel. Cas blinked in surprise. In those dark bitter days when Cas was not praying to heaven, he was calling Sam. He must have left a hundred messages but Sam never picked up.

"I heard you have a daughter now," Cas said flatly. It was all he could think to say. Sam ducked his head sheepishly.

"Yeah, well. You know how life gets ahead of you," he said, but Castiel had no idea what that meant. It just sounded like one of those filter sentences that meant nothing at all. When there was no real excuse to explain away Sam's persistent abandonment.

"Why are you here?" Cas asked with a tilt of his head. Sam ignored the question and tilted his chin toward the cross in the ground.

"Did you bury him?" He asked.

"I burned him," Cas replied coldly. He really didn't want to say much more than that. Sam nodded absently, seemingly content with the response, and stepped closer to Castiel.

"I should have come sooner. I'm sorry I didn't, Cas. Really. I just...it was really hard, you know? His death...it was really hard." Cas couldn't argue that.

"Anyway, I came because I have something for you. Something from Dean."

"From Dean?" Castiel tried not to sound too eager, but couldn't cover the slight tremor in his voice.

"Do you remember that weekend we hunted those wolves that killed Garth? Well hunting wasn't the only thing we did. Dean wanted to do some research. Research pertaining to you, Cas."

"I don't understand what you mean," Cas said guardedly. Sam walked the remaining distance to the tree, and sat down. Reaching into his jacket, he pulled out a small stack of old papers that were torn out of a book, and hand them to Cas.

"What is this?" Cas asked, flipping through the pages.

"It's a spell to restore your Grace, Cas. Dean wanted this for you in case something happened to him." Cas turned and looked at Sam in surprise. Dean had planned this? Was it his idea that they should reunite in heaven? Scanning over the ingredients, Castiel's heart sank. "It can't be done. This spell requires my angel feathers to work and I lost my wings a long time ago."

"Actually," Sam said as he pulled the small satchel onto his lap, "that particular ingredient is right here." He opened it and Cas gasped at the mound of black feathers within.

"They are from my wings?"

"Yup," Sam said with a smile.

"He picked up every one?" Cas had assumed they had faded, or blew away, but here they were. Dean must have collected them that very night while Cas slept for the first time in years.

"Like I said, the spell doesn't require much, but the Latin involved was pretty extensive. It took me a while to figure it all out which is another reason I waited to bring this until now."

"Sam...you will stay and help me with the spell?" Cas asked nervously, but Sam just shrugged and nodded.

"The spell needs you to stand in the same place that you originally lost your wings. Do you know where that is?" Sam asked and Castiel got to his feet.

"I remember it precisely."

So the two men gathered an iron knife, and white two candles before going to the place where Castiel became a human. It was so odd that such a monumental spell required so little effort but Sam explained it was a restoring spell and not an angelic one. It might not work, but it might, and Castiel's heart raced with the possibility. To reach Dean, to see him again healthy and happy, it was all Cas wanted.

"You stood here?" Sam asked and Castiel checked the ground before nodding. Yes, this was the exact spot. Sam came forward and reached in the leather satchel to bring out handfuls of feathers which he scattered around Castiel.

"Do you know why he kept these?" Cas asked. Surly Dean could not have guessed that he would need them for a spell.

"He said...there wasn't a part of you he was willing to give up." Sam responded softly and Cas's love for Dean swelled to even greater heights.

Sam emptied the last of the feathers and then used the knife to draw a circle around all of it. He finished the circle with Enochian sigils which told Cas that this spell was dated back to the beginning of civilization. Setting the knife aside, Sam looked up at Castiel.

"Are you ready?" Cas nodded. He was ready for this a year ago. When Dean's life slipped through his fingertips. Sam sat close to the circle and placed the knife beside him and the two candles between them. The first he lit with a match.

Sam opened the pages he and Dean retrieved so many years ago, and Sam started to chant in Latin. While the spell was simple, it was long. Sam had to recite for the better part of half an hour before moving to the next stage, but he didn't complain and neither did Cas. They both were enthralled by the moment and the feeling of nostalgia. It was as though they were hunters once more.

Latin flowing from his lips, Sam leaned over the etched circle and plucked a single black feather from the ground. He held it over the candle flame until it caught, then distributed the fire to the other unlit candle. Castiel sucked air through his teeth. Something was happening. He could feel a slight shifting change. Sam blew out the second candle, and then reached out to pluck another feather to feed to the first flame. He did the task again and again as Latin flowed from his lips and Castiel shuddered from the sensations rippling across his body. Looking down, he could see that the ground was beginning to glow. His Grace, that he thought was lost to him so many years ago, merely laid dormant inside the earth's crust.

Sam picked up the knife and leaned over the circle to scoop a fragment of Grace onto the blade. Returning to the candles, he let the Grace fall into the second candle's flame. The Grace became a catalyst and suddenly the ground around Cas exploded with activity. Feathers rose on their own accord and fed themselves to one flame while Grace rose and shifted and fed itself to the other. The currents of energy became a visible force that churned in the air and twisted towards Castiel.

The rippling currents plunged into Castiel's chest and he gasped like a man whole just broke through the water.

His body came alive. Wings built around bones that were previously not there. Grace surged into his chest and burned blue behind his eyes. Castiel sighed and felt as though he just took down three fingers of scotch in one go.

He felt completed, he felt angelic, he felt like he was himself again. Closing his eyes, Cas smiled.

"Cas?" A voice called up to him.

"Dean," Cas breathed. The completion to his prayer. He opened him eyes and looked down to see Sam looking up at him. Cas frowned.

"Sorry...wrong Winchester." Although he could have sworn...

"It's ok," Sam said with a shrug and got to his feet. "I take it the spell worked?"

"Amazingly," Cas said and he offered Sam a genuine smile.

"So what are you going to do now?"

Cas looked up to the sky. "I'm going to heaven to find your brother," he said simply.

"Good. When you find him... call him a bitch for me," Sam said with a smile twitching his lips.

Castiel nodded and with a flap of his wings, he was gone.

End of part one.


	2. Chapter 2

Part Two: The Story Of Your Heaven

First Trial

Castiel stretched in the bed as he felt the warm rays of sun caressing his skin. This was so familiar; so inviting.

When Cas first got to heaven, he saw that the gates were barred and Peter refused him entry. Peter claimed the angel recall was done and no more were allowed to enter nor leave. He was somewhat confused at how Castiel was an angel at all, considering the decree that God had made, which only made his suspicions worse. He demanded Cas depart immediately.

Fortunately, Cas remembered the back doors set up by Metatron. The playground portal still existed, but there was no sentinel to guard and activate it. Cas used his Grace to activate the one he found, essentially slipping in through the cracks, and got direct expressed into heaven.

The next thing he remembers, he was waking up in this room. Cas opened his eyes and looked around. Propping on one elbow, he took in his surroundings.

He was laying in a motel room bed that seemed oddly familiar. The curtains were pulled back and sun cascaded gloriously around him. Cas closed his eyes and hummed in the warmth.

This must be Dean's path. His journey through heaven. Each soul, when they first arrived, had the opportunity to relive the best moments of their lives before finding and staking claim to their piece of Final Heaven. It would make sense for Cas to be drawn to these memories since he very likely played a starring role in some of them. What he didn't understand was why they were still active so far after Dean's death. The influence and involvement of an angel in the way Cas was involved with Dean was unprecedented. That being said, Cas could see how this might affect his and Dean's interactions in heaven with some unexpected results.

Throwing back the covers, Cas slipped out of the bed and stretched his naked vessel. His body felt so lithe and exuberant, and Cas rubbed flat hands over his skin. His stomach, his legs; reveling in the tingle of his body.

Suddenly the door flung open, and Cas turned to see Sam and Dean walk into the room. Cas gasped as the two men stopped short at the sight of him. Dean. Standing right in front of him. His Dean. His eyes were bright and a smile played across his lips. He looked vibrant, and sexy, and Castiel wanted to just lunge at the man and lose himself in the pleasure of a moment between them.

"Dean..." he whispered. But no. His angelic eyes could see past the facade. This was a mirage. An actor playing a part to fit this particular role from a distant memory. This wasn't the real Dean with his righteous soul.

"Cas?" Dean said looking somewhat bemused. Sam took a step back, looking everywhere but at Castiel. How could these two men be standing in front of him? This was Dean's path through heaven so how could he be starring in it? Unless...

"Sam what's the matter?" Cas said, playing his own part in the memory. He didn't even need to think of the words, they just sprang from his lips. He figured that the actors must have switched lines to accommodate the audience. This was Dean's heaven, but Castiel was taking a starring role in it. It was fascinating how the intricate network of heavens design could accommodate such a complex concept. Cas tilted his head to the side, marveling in the thought of it.

Dean cleared this throat.

"Um... clothes, Cas," Dean said and Castiel looked down. Oh. Yes, he remembered this happening before, but he didn't remember being erect the first time around.

"I'm gonna... I'm gonna go and-," Sam sputtered as he edged towards the door.

"Get us breakfast?" Dean asked with a chuckle.

"Yes! Wait... you're not coming?"

"I can handle Cas naked, Sammy, unlike you obviously. Go get us some breakfast! Pronto!" Sam fled the room with one last glance between Dean and Cas; his face a combination of embarrassment, confusion, and emotional scarring.

Dean walked into the room and threw himself into the corner lounge chair. Draping a leg over the arm he grinned broadly at Cas.

"Well this is a nice surprise," he said wolfishly and Castiel blushed crimson. He remembered now what happened on this morning. He felt flattered that Dean was just as fond of the memory.

"I'll just get dressed then," he said weakly and reached for his clothes.

"No you won't," Dean said gruffly and Cas froze. Castiel's heart thrummed and his body ached, but already his brain was shouting for him to get out. To not get lost in this. He wanted to run, but he wanted to stay. Had to stay.

This was the first time Dean touched him.

"Sam will be back soon..." Castiel said, and his voice quivered.

This was the first time Castiel orgasmed to his touch.

"Then we better get to it, right?" Dean said in a low sultry voice that feathered pinpricks up Cas's spine. Scanning the room, Cas desperately sought out the door that would lead him to the next memory. The road that he needed to not stray from. He remembered from observing other human journey's that if they strayed from the path, their trial became their Final Heaven and Castiel was not here to lose himself in indulgences. He needed Dean. Needed to find the real Dean.

"Let me see you rub your body again the way you did when I walked into the room," Dean went on and his eyes echoed the lust his voice was exuding.

Castiel closed his eyes. It had been far too long since he felt Dean's touch on his skin. If he gave in to it now, he would be utterly lost. He had to find the doorway out.

"Dean," Cas sighed, and his hands returned to running gently along his stomach and chest. Even in this place, where everything was a mirage just replaying the past, Castiel could not refuse Dean for anything.

"That's hot Cas. So hot," Dean whispered and Cas wanted to cry. This man that he loved for so long and missed for so long, was sitting right in front of him. But he also wasn't there at all.

"Come here, angel, let me touch you." The words settled into Castiel's stomach and churned with his longing. Cautiously, he took a step forward, then another, and in a moment; in an eternity, Dean's fingers were running soft trails across Cas's ribs. Cas lifted his head with a soft, shuddering moan, and closed his eyes.

Dean's fingers wrapped around Castiel's slim waist and Dean pulled the angel closer still.

Suddenly, Castiel heard a chime. Dean's lips replaced fingers along Castiel's ribs and his breath hitched.

The chime sounded like the bell on the door to the Gas N Sip where he used to work. Dean tilted his head lower, and his tongue trailed along Cas's hip bone. Cas moaned again. He couldn't help it. Dean felt so good and Cas wanted this so badly.

Opening his eyes, Cas saw that there was a door against the wall beside where Dean sat. Dean turned his head, and his tongue trailed lazily up the length of Castiel's shaft. Cas gasped at the sensation. In reality, Dean had not done that. He got Cas off in other ways, but it was not until much later that Dean was able to do that particular action.

"Stay," Dean whispered, slipping Cas in and out of his mouth. Cas looked at the door.

This wasn't Dean. It was just energy and light masquerading as the man Cas loved. Reluctantly, Cas pulled away and walking towards the door.

"Cas... please..."

Cas could feel something inside him twisting in agony. These memories were supposed to be fond and pleasant, but they were in reality painful and hard.

Dean leaned over, Cas could feel the faintest touch of fingertips to thigh, then he opened the door and stepped through.

Second Trial

"Come on!" Dean shouted at Cas as soon as he shut the door. He glanced down and saw he was clothed now, and they appeared to be in their house. Judging by the state of disrepair, they had recently moved in.

"I don't understand the relevance of this," Castiel heard himself saying and Dean rolled his eyes.

"Grab the jar Cas, and let's go!" Cas looked down at the table. A mason jar was sitting alone on the worn wood. Castiel lifted it, and followed Dean outside. In the warm early summer night, Dean led Cas behind the house to where the yard and garden gave way to a large clearing. In the night, the meadow was illuminated by tiny lights winking on and off. On and off.

"What is this, Dean?" Castiel breathed in wonder.

"Fireflies," Dean said with a smile and reached out to snatch one up with his hand. "See? Super easy to catch." Dean lifted the mason jar out of Cas's hands and unscrewed the top. Opening his hand, he released the insect within and closed it again. "Your turn," he said with a toothy smile and Cas returned the grin. Reaching out, Cas closed his hand around a hovering firefly. Feeling the bug tickle his palm, he opened his hand once more and watched as the bug crawled the length of his hand up to his fingertips and then spread its wings to continue its flight.

"You're supposed to put it in the jar," Dean said with a chuckle.

"Sorry Dean," Cas said bashfully, and Dean closed the distance between them. He sighed and smiled at Cas fondly.

"You're so beautiful," Dean whispered, and he leaned towards Castiel. A brief moment of panic gripped the angel. If he gave in to this, he might get trapped there. But then warm lips pressed against his and all thought escaped him. He was kissing Dean. His Dean. His heart bloomed with love from the feeling and at the same time ached with sorrow in knowing how little time they had together. And how none of it was real.

Cas reached out, encircling Dean with his arms, and pulled the man closer to him. Their kiss became desperate and Dean discarded the mason jar with a soft _thunk_ against the earth before wrapping his arms around Castiel's neck.

The feel of Dean against him; firm and strong, and so alive, left Castiel weak in the knees. He forgot how good this felt. He forgot how his heart swelled and his body ached with pleasure every time they touched. It made him want to sing. It made him want to cry. Close by in the night, Castiel could hear a door chime, and sorrow overtook him. He didn't want to go. He never wanted to go. Why did it have to be so hard to walk away?

He pulled away from Dean and saw how wide and dark the hunters eyes were. His teeth gently bit against a swollen lower lip as he studied Castiel's face. Cas knew this expression. Dean wanted him. Of all the amazing wonders in in the world, this carried the heaviest of weight. Dean wanted _him_.

"Lay down with me." Dean's voice was dripping with lust. "Right here in the grass. I'll make you feel so good, Cas, you know I will."

Cas closed his eyes, turned, and walked through the door.

Third trial

Castiel arched his back as Dean trailed a tongue along his stomach.

"Are you sure you're ready for this?" Dean asked as his lips danced over Castiel's nipple.

 _No_.

"I am ready, Dean" Cas panted, "I want to feel you inside me."

 _No, not this._

Dean rutted against Castiel's cock and Cas moaned even as tears pooled in his eyes. Oh how good this felt. Dean on top of him. The weight of his lithe toned body pressing against Castiel like a security blanket. His dick, beautiful and erect and leaking, nudging gently within the crease of Cas's thigh. So many times they have done this. So many memories both sweet and passionate to remind them that they loved each other and how they loved each other.

"It might hurt a little Cas. It might burn. I'll be gentle. I'll be so gentle with you." Dean twisted his pelvis as he whispered against Castiel's ear, and Cas's cock played chords of pleasure throughout his body from the friction. Tears fell from his eyes without his realization. Knowing it was only going to get better, had Cas wanting it to never end.

For years he had been without this. He was starving for Dean and now to have him in this way was so overwhelming. A sob broke through his lips but quickly turned into a moan. Dean's hand slipped between them, and he thumbed at the opening on Cas's dick.

A chime sounded in Cas's ear put he pushed it away. Dean moved his hand lower, and was tracing wet fingers over Castiel's entrance. It was all he could do to not climax already from the sensation.

"You feel so good, Cas. It's so hot watching you get off when I touch you. I'm gonna make you feel even better soon." Cas turned, his breath heavy and humming with small moans, but when he opened his eyes, he saw a door that wasn't there before. Where did it come from? Then realization hit him and Cas shuddered at how close he was to being lost. He didn't want to go. Dean felt so good, he didn't want to leave. It took everything he had, but Cas pushed Dean away.

"Cas?" He rolled away from Dean's encouraging hands and fled the warmth of the bed. "Cas, don't go." The script was different but the pain was the same. Cas reached the door and fell through it just as he gave in to his tears.

Fourth Trial

"Cas? Cas, are you ok buddy?" Cas could feel his body curled tight into a ball but he refused to open his eyes to his environment. Dean's hands were on him. Rubbing his back, soothing away the pain, and Cas's body shuddered from sobs that escaped him.

How long did he have to endure this? It wasn't heaven. None of this brought him happiness. All of it was bittersweet and artificial to the touch. He needed Dean. The real Dean and not these vacant holograms of the truth.

"Cas, come on. We're going to be late," Dean said, sounding exasperated. Cas didn't care. He didn't want to know what memory this was of Dean's that warranted a place in heaven. He didn't want to feel this Dean touching him and causing his betrayers body to respond so willingly to that touch.

He clung to his despair, wrapped his pain around him like a shroud, and openly wept at the violation and defilement of his most sacred memories.

Cas had to see this to the end. He had to reach Dean no matter the cost. But the pain of the journey was cruel and mean spirited.

When the chime sounded, Cas lifted his head.

He would see this through. He would find Dean in his Final Heaven and Cas would stay there with him for eternity. Nothing else mattered. None of this mattered.

Getting to his feet, Cas saw nothing but the door. He ignored Dean calling him, and wiped away his tears as he stepped through.

Fifth Trial

"Ok, they always say not to look down. This is a good time for that advice," Dean said and his hands rested firmly on Cas's shoulders. Cas took in his surroundings and sighed.

They were in a Ferris wheel. He knew exactly what night this was. This was going to be hard to walk away from.

"What if it starts to move again?" Cas asked, playing the part. Dean leaned in close, and in the blue-green hue of the neon Ferris wheel lights, Cas could count all the freckles on his nose.

"I paid the carny a hundred bucks to keep this thing in place for the next 30 minutes. Trust me, it's not moving." Cas looked down and studied the swell of Dean's lower lip. Leaning closer, he playfully licked at that swell until Dean caught Cas's lips with his own and they shared a kiss.

"Alright, alright," he said, pulling away, "time's ticking here. Get up there." Cas pulled at the bar on the side of the Ferris wheel car that was connecting it to the flat top, and hoisted himself over the edge. He reminded himself not to look down as Dean instructed, and Cas climbed onto the roof. Being at the very top, with only the suspension to either side of him, Cas could almost believe he was an angel again.

Cas closed his eyes and focused on the cooling summer air on his skin. He thought about how it would feel on his wings.

He thought about those nights when Dean asked to touch his wings and the carnal pleasure he got from the exchange. It was not his power that he missed, or the voices of the other angels in his mind. It was his wings. Castiel half expected to hear a chime but instead he heard Dean's voice from below him.

"Cas? You okay up there?"

"I'm well, Dean," Cas said softly, and truly he was.

"Good cause...uh, there's something I have to say and... well you know I'm no good at this emotional stuff so just stay up there and keep quiet." Castiel didn't respond, feeling that would already apply to Dean's request for silence, and instead waited.

"I...I know you miss being an angel sometimes, Cas, but... there are so many benefits to being a human as well. I know how you talk down about yourself, and maybe you think I don't hear or don't notice, and well...I do." Dean cleared his throat. "Cas...I love falling asleep with you at night and waking up with you in the morning. I love to watch you eat. I like how your face changes when you react to trying new things." Cas held his breath, fearing any noise or shift of body might cause Dean to stop talking. Cas never wanted Dean to stop talking. "I love you being human, Cas. I love how it lights up your eyes and changes your smile into something so amazing...I feel like my hearts gonna melt every time I see it. So...right. I just thought you should know."

The Gas N Sip door chimed and Cas let out his breath. He wished he had said more to Dean on this night so long ago. His lover had opened his heart and exposed his most sensitive thoughts to Cas, and all Cas said at the time was "I love you for how amazing you are." He was taken by surprise and didn't have time to really think about something better to say. But he has had time since then to think about it a lot.

"Dean," Cas said as he glanced down at the small door now replacing the roof of the Ferris wheel car directly below him. "I could not be all those things without you. My eyes shine that way because I'm looking at you. I smile that way because you make me so happy it hurts sometimes. I lay next to you and my heart strains to keep you close. To hold you tighter. To never let go. I love you, Dean. For how amazing you are." Cas knew it didn't matter; that it wasn't the real Dean he was talking to, but it still felt good to say it.

Getting to his feet atop the car, Cas closed his eye one last time against the night sky, and then dove off the car and crashed through the door beneath him.

Six Trial

Cas stood at the entrance to their bedroom, and watched Dean admiring his suit in the mirror. Without a thought, he reached up and pulled his tie askew.

It was their wedding day. At the time, it was the happiest moment of his life but now it's the saddest as well. To see Dean forget how to read the words to his vows. To see Dean look at Cas with panic in his eyes...

What if they had caught the cancer then? Would it have been enough? What if Sam told Cas about the spell before Dean's death instead of after, how his brother requested? Would it have been enough?

"I am going to marry you, and you are going to die," Cas said flatly, and Dean turned to look at him, confused.

He looked radiant. He looked sexy and calm and utterly irresistible. And he was dying. Here, in front of Cas, his brain was slowly stealing away every part of Dean that made him who he was.

"What are you talking about, Cas?" Dean said with a furrowed brow and halfcocked smile.

"I love you. I'm supposed to grow old with you. I'm supposed to end the eternity of my existence as a human with you by my side, and you're fucking dying on me."

"Cas, listen, no one is dying here-"

"No, you listen!" Cas shouted as hot tears sliced down his cheeks. "You weren't supposed to die on me, Dean. And I wasn't supposed to become an angel again. But I did it to find you. Only you. Now I'm done playing these games. I am done reliving this life. It only hurts me without you. I don't want to do this anymore." Cas turned and headed for the door.

"Cas?" Dean called after him. "Cas what are you saying? Where are you going?"

"Goodbye, Dean," Cas tossed over his shoulder as he went through the door. Those words stung at him more than anything else in this whole horrible experience, but he didn't care. His heart burned like smoldering ash and his chest threatened to collapse in the pain. He couldn't do this. He couldn't relive this wedding and think about all the clues he somehow overlooked that something was wrong.

"Cas! Wait!" Dean ran to the entrance to their home and called after Castiel. "Please don't go," he said, his voice wavering with him on the brink of confused tears. Cas paused for a moment. Every aspect of his being was telling him to go to Dean. To comfort Dean. But after a brief instant, Cas was able to push on. Dean did not chase after him.

"Brothers! Sisters!" Cas called out. He reached the clearing near the house where he had burned Dean's body after his death. He thought the place appropriate for demanding contact. "Angels, listen to my call! Come to me. Now!"

"Castiel," a low raspy voice sounded and Cas turned to see the angel Joshua had appeared behind him.

"Take me to him," Castiel demanded with no introduction, and the other angel bellowed laughter.

"Take you to whom, Castiel? To your lover? To your father?"

"Either. I don't care. Just get me out of this never ending hell."

"Hell?" Joshua took a step towards Castiel. "If this be your version of hell, is there a heaven that exists to contain you?"

"Joshua. Brother...please," Castiel said desperately, and Joshua spread his hands wide in a shrug.

"I will take you to the end of the trials, to the Final Heaven, but I can do no more. Will that do?" Reaching out, Castiel clutched at Joshua jacket. His eyes met with his brother's and Cas was certain Joshua could see the rubbed raw anguish that was housed within him.

"Yes! Please! Take me there," Cas said with a trembling voice, "just get me away from this place."

Placing fingers to Castiel's head, Joshua moved him with a flash of light, leaving the trail of his past behind him.

Final Heaven

Castiel opened his eyes to see a vast garden filled with bright greens and plumes of flowers. He looked around confused.

Song birds sang from the trees.

"No."

Butterflies danced past his face.

"This isn't right."

Off in the distance, a man flew a kite in the soft summer sky.

"Dean!" Castiel called out. To the man, to the sky; he called out everywhere. "Dean! Dean! Dean!"

"He can't hear you, Castiel." Cas turned to see Chuck, slumped over and disheveled, with his hands nervously stuffed into his pockets.

"I don't understand," Castiel said walking towards the man who claimed to be his father, "why was I brought here? This is my Final Heaven, not Dean's."

"This has always been your destination, Castiel," Chuck said softly. His eyes darted to look at Cas's, and then he shifted to take in the surroundings.

"But...Dean's memories...his trials..." Cas shook his head, unbelieving.

"You were never in Dean's trials, Castiel. Those were your own. A side effect of your time as a human." Chuck turned to Cas again, and a slight smile played across his lips. "Very clever trick, by the way. I didn't think I'd see you back here as an angel. I can't blame you for staying though. Metatron was right. The human story is a much more interesting read."

Castiel stared at the other man, confused. His mind refusing to see what his heart already knew.

"Father..."

"I know how you have suffered, Castiel," Chuck said and his smile took on a hint of sadness. "You have fought harder than any other angel in creation to uphold the message I originally placed upon you."

"Father..."

"When so many of your brothers and sisters gave up on me, you held true to the cause. Protect humanity. Guide them and shelter them. Do not take them for granted because they were truly made in my image. You did it well."

"...where's Dean?" Castiel asked and his voice broke on the name. His eyes were wide; terrified to know but desperate to understand. He stared, scared, at this short shabby man with the small sage smile.

"That's why it truly saddens me to see the hand you were dealt, Castiel. You have tried so hard, in spite of my lack of guidance."

"Father..."

"And in spite of all your mistakes, and we both know you made a few."

"Please..."

"I didn't want this kind of ending for you. I never wanted this for you."

"Father, please..."

"But rules are rules, Castiel."

"Please tell me that Dean is in heaven," Cas said at last. Chuck's smile faltered at the question and he looked down at his sneakers, frowning. After a moment, he shook his head solemnly.

"After all that he has done," he said sympathetically, "did you ever think that this was an option?"

Castiel felt as though the wind was just knocked out of him. He collapsed to the ground and stared off into the distance at the autistic man forever flying his kite. His breath came in short hurried spurts as his mind reeled over the implications of the other man's words. Dean not in heaven. Dean in hell. Dean in that horrible place. Dean in hell for a year. A whole horrible year. In hell, that's beyond the length of an eternity. Castiel couldn't breathe. He couldn't breathe.

"I thought..." he said weakly and swallowed. His throat was so dry. "I thought since his intentions were good..."

"The worst roads are built with the best laid intentions, Castiel. Hitler can tell you that."

"But...he was your friend," Cas offered desperately.

"He was my creation!" Chuck shouted back at him and Cas winced. Suddenly the docile demeanor was shucked away and Chuck stood over him with all the divine power his position entitled him to. "And a poor one at that. I always had the highest hopes for his bloodline, but things took a horrible turn after Henry. I tried to kill him years ago. Long before Armageddon and before you, but he just wouldn't die."

"Then why did you send me to rescue him?" Castiel asked, peering up at the other man. Tears swam in his eyes but he fought to keep them from spilling over. He did not want this man, this...God to see him so distraught. "Why not let him rot in hell the first time he was sent there?"

"Because, while he's a ticking time bomb, he's a bomb none the less and the last thing I wanted was for enemy forces to use him to their own gain."

"Then let me rescue him now," Castiel said hopefully, "I found him in the pit before. I can find him again."

"No," Chuck said simply and Castiel deflated once more.

"But why?"

"He wasn't taken by a hell hound this time, Castiel, he died. The recovery will be much harder. You could be lost down there and the only thing worse than hell having Dean is hell having you."

"Father...please, I can't just leave him down there. You know what they do to human souls in the pit."

"Even if I let you go, Castiel, there is no place for him to flee to."

"Can't I..." Castiel looked away. His eyes scanned his garden, desperate for a way. "Can't I have him stay here with me?"

"You know he can't come here, Castiel," Chuck said with a sad smile, "There are no exceptions to the rules. He has been too sinful to earn a place in heaven. I'm sorry." Chuck turned away from Cas then, and he walked a few steps towards the man in the distance. "Not unless..."

"What?" Castiel found his footing and rose to stand before his father once more. "Tell me what I must do."

"If he were to perform a heroic godly act...or perhaps you do it on his behalf, I can pardon him and gain him access back into heaven."

"What do I need to do to perform a heroic godly act? Tell me father and I'll do it." Chuck turned and returned to Castiel. He leaned in close and took the angel by his hands. His smile was genuine, and while Cas was programmed to love and trust him, he was terrified of him too. In his mind, that smile carried fangs.

"Bring my first son home to me," God said softly. "It's the only thing worth risking you for. Bring me Michael and I'll allow Dean to remain in heaven." Castiel sucked air through his teeth and looked at the man in front of him. His mind whirled thinking about what Chuck was asking of him... what God was asking of him. The idea of freeing Michael without freeing Lucifer seemed impossible.

Plus Castiel was not exactly in Michael's good graces from the last time they saw each other, he was sure. He had no idea how he would be able to accomplish any of this. But he would not give up on Dean. Never.

"Fine," Castiel said, and turned away from Chuck. "Consider it done."

"Good luck, Castiel," the holy man called out as Castiel walked away, "where you are going, you will need every bit of it."

End of Part 2


	3. Chapter 3

The Story of My Hell

The Angel Falling

It was not easy to get into hell uninvited. Especially for an angel. Castiel knew of only two ways this was even possible and that was either by befriending a very powerful demon, or being vanquished by God. Fortunately, he had the later at his disposal.

All it took was a simple push, and Castiel was twisting, churning, plummeting from the sky. He tried to get air under his wings, to slow the speed in which he fell, but the wind pushed the feathers flat against him and Cas feared it he forced them open now, he would snap the delicate boning in the process. So instead he closed his eyes and prepared for the landing. This was for Dean. He would take strength in that.

His body slipped past the earth's surface with barely a passing glance, and fell into a place darker, and far more sinister. Castiel was not impressed. He had been in these places before, when he sought out Dean and his righteous soul. Or at least it was the soul he thought to be righteous before Chuck cleared up any confusion in the matter.

Since his rescue of Dean, Cas had visited hell one more time with the demon Crowley and saw the more ethereal aspects of the landscape. He was developing a pretty good understanding of what the place was capable of.

As Cas plummeted, he noted chains stretching across the red-black abyss all around him. His arms flailed out, trying to grasp onto the chains, and while he gained purchase enough to slow his fall, the screams that followed him caused him to wince.

People. The chains were somehow attached to people. Cas didn't want to hurt anyone. He didn't want to scar these human souls any more than what they have already underwent. But he had to stop, otherwise he could just keep falling forever. He had to stop. For Dean.

"Dean. Dean. Dean..." His voice did not sound like his own, and Cas reached out and gripped a chain in iron clenched fists. Screams erupted all around him as the chain gave way from whatever held it in place, and other chains followed suit. Castiel twisted within them as they wrapped around him in his tumble, and further binded him from using his wings. At last the angel crashed hard against a body that grunted from the impact, and Castiel was blessedly still.

He took a brief moment to catch his breath, and then he pushed at the chains that bound him; ignoring the tattered ends of hooks and flesh.

He glanced at the man that broke his fall, a naked blood streaked soul that wheezed around his now concave chest, and then looked away. He could not help these people and must not give in to the distraction they would cause. He reminded himself that each one earned their place in hell and that nothing he did could change that fate.

Then he thought of Dean, who earned his place in hell as well, and his eyes drifted back to the bedraggled soul chained down to his own existence. Gently, sadly, Castiel lifted fingers to the soul's head and sent soothing images rippling through him to put him at rest. It would not last long, but at least for the next few hours, hell no longer existed to this man.

Castiel flexed his wings and gained his bearings. Tapping into just a thread of Grace, he manifested his angel sword and gripped it firmly in his hand. He didn't know what to expect, but he knew where to start looking.

Closing his eyes, CAS lifted his head and listened. At first he heard nothing, but after a few moments, he could pick up just the faintest notes of discord. Off in the distance, he heard Dean's soul. Cas turned and went towards it.

The Angel Hunting

It was at the edge of the soul farm that Castiel encountered his first demon. The lowly thing did not utter a word, he simply just saw Castiel and charged at him. Cas tried to sidestep the creature, but he was ravenous and unrelenting. Eventually, Cas was forced to place his blade in the creature's heart, and the demon collapsed lifeless to the ground. For there was a ground now.

Looking around, Castiel took in the view of a city. It could be nearly any city that coveted the earth upstairs, but the fact that it was near a dock limited the options. It almost seemed like a reflection of what was on earth, and perhaps this was part of the psychological landscape of hell. To settle a soul in a place that almost looked like his or her home, but then torture the comfort and security out of them; it must have been a lot fun for these demons.

Cas turned back to the place where the harbor should be, and saw just how big the soul farm was. It stretched countless bodies into the depths of space and time. All bodies were attached to a spider web of chains. This was where all the souls went until they were needed. It was such a horrible existence.

"Castiel?" A voice carried and Cas looked up the length of docks to where a shadowed figure stood. For one brief instant he thought it was Dean, but no, that soul was still far at from where he was standing.

"Who are you?" Cas called out and his voice sounded flat in his ears. The figure edged closer, and Cas gripped his sword warily.

"It is you, isn't it?" The man's voice called out to him. He edged into the light, just close enough that Cas could make out his features without being in striking distance of his sword. The male looked to be a stranger to him. For he was a male even outside of a human host.

"Do I know you?" Castiel asked while he struggled against everything within him telling him to kill the vial thing.

That was what had gotten his garrison killed on their rescue of Dean the first time. Too many ran off to kill the demons their instincts commanded them to kill, and were overrun for their efforts.

"No...but I know you," the demon said with a sneer. "When word gets around that the angel who locked us all down here is running around our streets, you're going to die so slowly. And in such glorious agony." Castiel suddenly lunged forward and plunged his blade deep into the demon's chest. He threw his head back, but only a bubbling whimpered escaped him before he slid off the blade and onto the ground. Cas had to kill the demon to avoid detection.

Glancing around, Castiel stepped into the shadows. This was worse than he thought. The spell he had taken part in so many years ago, causing demons to gain permission before entering a host body, plummeted their earth numbers to a small trickle. The demon that was there that day, the one who saw his face, knew his name, and almost killed Dean, must have spread the word to all his companions. Castiel was a wanted man.

Castiel glanced down and was surprised to see he still wore the suit from his wedding. He left it, but when his eyes fell on the heavy black trench coat his new demon friend wore. He wrenched the coat free, and slid it over his body, essentially tucking his wings away unseen within. He would have to go the rest of the way on foot to avoid detection. Wiping the blood off of his sword on the demon corpse, he tucked it up his sleeve and continued toward the direction of Dean's soul.

He kept to the shadows and alleyways, snaking ever deeper into the city, and managed to get by with minimal detection. He stumbled upon two demons fornicating in the alley but was able to bypass them without disturbance. Another time, he took out a group of three thugs when one stopped to look at him just a little too long in their passing. Other than that, he remained undetected.

Dean's soul flickered and wavered, burning bright and then dying to a dull glow, before smoldering again. No matter the level of intensity, Cas could tell that he writhed in pain. It worked under Castiel's skin and made him want to claw at his face. He desperately needed to reach Dean but he couldn't risk rushing forward and getting himself killed. The feeling made him clench his fists and keen softly under his breath. The only thing that kept him from curling into a ball and crying from the intensity of the pain was his growing desire to end the life of every single demon that was hurting the man that he loved. Sensing his closeness, he would soon have the chance.

Rounding a corner, Castiel's eyes fell upon a large warehouse midway down the narrow street. No guards outside, with nothing to guard against, but he could sense Dean and knew he was definitely within. Cas took in the structure in its entirety and he noted a row of narrow windows along the top of the building. He supposed on earth they would be beneficial for natural lighting, but in this place the only purpose they served was to allow him a way in.

Pushing his wings incorporeally through his jacket, Castiel lifted off the ground and in an instant was suspended outside the windows. Dozens of demons were laying around the warehouse floor. They looked relaxed, and almost drunk with pleasure. Standing within, a separate entity from the creatures, stood a replica of Bobby Singer's house.

Castiel fumed. Fury blazed behind his ice blue eyes and stretched the length of his wings. Never before has he felt this level of anger. This utter disgust for the offspring of his oldest brother's fall from grace. Without thought, without word, he finally allowed himself to give in to the growing need to kill. To salve his burning skin in demon blood. As a smile spread across his face, Castiel slipped inside.

The Angel Avenging

Castiel could hear Dean screaming. Could hear the slice of a blade. He could hear the wet sounds of a body being filet and put back together again, but he pushed all of that to the back of his mind before allowing panic to take hold of him. Scanning the room, he took in about forty demons that moaned and writhed under the sounds of his lover's screams. Cas swallowed back the bile of his disgust. They were getting off on it.

Landing softly among them, they did not notice him at first. Cas stripped away his trench coat and held it gripped in his left hand while his sword was poised in his right. The blue vest of his wedding suit offered a slash of color in the dim red glow of the room. The burning blue of his eyes supplied the rest.

"Are we going to fight, vermin, or are you merely going to die?" His voice boomed around the room and all demons came to full attention. A voice in his mind mentioned that stealth might have been the better approach but Castiel pushed the thought aside. His fury need slaked and these demons needed to suffer. He would not be satisfied stabbing them in the back.

"It's Castiel!" One demon shouted and Cas's grin spread to his eyes.

"Yes," he hissed, "the angel you have all been dying to kill. So come and get me, abominations. Let's see if you can find purchase in your efforts." Some of the demons edged to their feet, and yet they hesitated to approach. Fine, let them fear him then. Spreading his wings to their fullest expanse, Castiel took two steps forward and drove his blade into a demon's throat. This spurred them to action.

Demons ran at him with full abandon. Castiel slashed at the air between them with his coat to catch them off guard and then stabbed with his blade to extinguish three more demon lives.

His wings flapped behind him like a shield to protect his flank and Castiel turned, ducking, just as another demon swung a piece of wood towards where his head had been. Castiel took the creature out with a sword to his gut.

Collapsing his wings, Cas slinked behind the growing circle of demons, and stabbed another two, one in the ribs, the other in his hamstring. He twisted to face the collective crowd, noting no others flanked him, and spread his wings wide once more.

One night, long ago, he and Dean had watched a nature show illustrating the life aspects of lizards. Castiel remembered how one lizard would expand his neck skin to impress both mates and scare off potential foes. Castiel thought it an effective method of intimidation. His wings, glorious and black, shook at his command and emitted a soft sound like rustling leaves. Or a rattlesnake tail.

The demons hesitated, then one thought to be brave and lunged at Castiel. He slid his blade across the creature's throat.

"Spread out! He's got us flocked together like sheep!"

 _And sheep they are_ , Castiel thought with a grin. Some fool demons took the advice, spreading away from the mass. Cas used his wings to shift towards them, faster than light, and caught the one off guard with a whip of his trench coat while he slid his sword into the other ones chin. Realizing his overconfidence too late, Castiel winced as a dagger slid between his ribs. He had gotten too close to the throng.

Using his trench to keep more from advancing, Castiel took a step back and squared off with his foes. His Grace made quick work in healing the damage done to his vessel but it did not change the turn of the crowd. The remaining demons realized that the angel could be hurt; could be killed.

"Take him down," one screamed and all of them charged at him at once. Cas shifted on his wings, sliced into a nearby demon, and then he twirled around the lot of them to flank. When he paused, he noted another demon had enough intelligence to meet him there and the creature lunged at him with a knife. Castiel whipped his coat around the things arm and then buried his blade into the demon's soft underbelly. When the trench coat snagged on the demon's blade, refusing to come free, Castiel discarded it and turned to slash another demon in the back of his neck before he had a chance to turn; essentially severing his spine.

Still so many. Too many. Cas thought against smiting with his Grace. It would essentially turn into a homing beacon, attracting demons from blocks around to his energy. Glancing down, he noted blood pooling around his shoes from the demons he had slain, and Cas got an idea. He grabbed at a demon, floundering to reach him, and stabbed him as he disarmed him of the machete he was carrying. Cas then shifted through space on his lithe wings and brought the machete down on another demons outstretched arm; cleaving it from the body.

Bending, he grabbed the arm from the dusty warehouse floor before shifting space again to travel out of harm's way. Fluttering his wings, spreading them wide, he intimidated his prey into submission. They rolled over each other, some backing away, some moving forward, but none going in for the strike. Castiel ran around them, dragging the dripping arm with him in a circle. Then he lunged through them, slashing wildly as he went.

"Stop him! He's forming a trap!"

The demons were not so caught off guard with his next passage through and one sliced into his arm while another plunged a blade into his thigh. Castiel hissed from the pain and twisted on the other side of the group to face them. A few took a step forward but he spread his wings and shook them. Those few held back. Cas would have to compliment his father on the brilliant creation of the lizard if he survived the return.

Dropping the arm, Cas carefully reached and wrenched the blade free with a grunt. A demon broke free to attack him but Cas threw the blade into the creature's eye. No time to heal. Had to move. Picking up the discarded arm, Cas continued to trail blood for his demon trap. He picked off the daring ones, but he kept them as tightly together as possible. Like sheep in a flock.

"Get out of here!" One demon shouted and Cas gritted his teeth. He was almost done. "We got to get out of here!" Just as Cas completed to trap, five demons broke free and stared for the door in a run. Cas shifted to stab one through his lungs, but the other four pressed ahead, spanning the distance between them. He had no time. They would go. They would find others. They would be back.

Cas bent in a crouch and then lifted off the ground with his wings. He soared to where the others ran and dove into them. Three fell, and Cas turned, grabbing the fourth with his blood slicked fingers, and surged Grace into the creature to smite him. The others burned beneath him and the sound of their screams satisfied that deep feral part of him that yearned for revenge.

He knew he didn't have much time now. More would come, sensing his release. Castiel turned and glared at the remaining demons enclosed in their trap. Some glared at him, others trembled, and one openly wept.

He should let them go. Let their brothers and sisters find the best punishment for their failure. But Cas thought of Dean's pain. The way his soul pulsed and howled and the way these demons enjoyed it. Even now he could hear Dean's raspy screams from within the house that looked like their home. Reaching out, Cas grabbed a demon by the throat.

"Do you hear that?" He growled, "Do you hear what you have done?"

The demon smiled at Cas as his eyes rolled in his head.

"So sweet," he whispered, and Castiel ran him through. Cas ran them all through. No sheep left standing to tell the tale of their destruction.

The Angel Despairing

Cas stepped up to the door to the house that was not his home and looked himself over. He looked disgusting. Blood sprayed across his body and face; dripped from his wings; pooled in his shoes. He could taste the copper of it in his mouth, feel it saturate his hair, and bite hot into the cut in his thigh. He had no time to do anything about it. More demons would be coming soon and he had to get out.

Turning the knob to the door, Castiel slipped inside. The room they pulled from Dean's memories, but the table in the middle was new. A stainless steel contraption fitted with leather straps, it sat next to a smaller work bench adorned with any twisted implement of torture imaginable.

And there, upon the table with his soul burning like fire, laid Dean. He was openly weeping and covered in his own blood as he stared terrified at his captor. His captor, was a grinning copy of Castiel. New found rage burned scorching hot in Cas and he lunged at the demon who had his face.

The creature had no time to react as Cas laid his hands upon it, and he threw all his Grace at the monster. He did not just burn out the demons eyes, he melted its face entirely. Turning, Cas's breath caught as he looked down at Dean.

Dean. His Dean. Who has laid in this house on this table for an eternity as a demon masquerading as his lover, sliced pieces off of him and then put him back together again. Cas reached out, touched tender fingers to the man's face, and Dean screamed.

"Please, no more. No more. I can't take the pain. Please! Please!"

"Dean, it's me. It's Castiel." But it was no use. The moment he spoke Dean screamed even louder and his words fell into the gibberish of insanity. Cas could feel his heart breaking. He hated everyone and everything in hell for what they had done to Dean.

Gently channeling Grace into the man he loved, Cas sent soothing images through Dean's head and coaxed him to sleep. When he quieted, Cas worked free the straps that bound him and winced at the angry scars that were worn into his wrists and ankles from all his struggling.

Cas healed the wounds on Dean's soul as best he could, and then scooped the man up into his arms. He left the house just as more demons burst into the warehouse outside. Channeling Grace through his wings, Cas made quick work of removing the blood from them and then took off into the air. The demons lunged at him but he was still spry in spite of the creeping exhaustion threatening to do him in. He had to find a place to hide and to heal.

Slipping out of the warehouse, Cas flew over the city. He soared like a rocket out into the night and plummeted into the depth of the woods. Hellhounds would be here, but if Cas set up wards, it should be enough to hold them off from being detected for a few hours.

Cas used his remaining strength to heal his cut and clean his body. He cleaned Dean's as well, naked and scarred, of any residual blood from his tortures.

Setting up the wards, Castiel slumped against a tree, too drained to do more. Reaching weakly towards Dean, he pulled the man towards him and shielded him in a gentle embrace. Resting his cheek against Dean's soft hair, Castiel welcomed the darkness of unconsciousness.

Castiel awoke to hands around his neck. Dean was leaning over him, choking him.

"De-" Cas tried, but the words died in his throat. He didn't want to hurt Dean; never wanted to hurt Dean, so he was as gentle as he could be when he pushed the man away. Dean rolled with the push, years of hunter instincts bred into him, and came up with Cas's angel sword in his hand. Now when the hell did he nab that?

"Dean, please, listen to me," Cas began.

"The hell I will," Dean snarled and lunged his naked body at Cas full force. Cas gripped at the hand that held the sword, and wrenched the blade free. Dean cried out and Cas immediately recoiled.

"Dean I'm so sorry. I don't want to hurt you." Dean's fist connected with Castiel's jaw full force, and Cas fell backwards in surprise.

"How many times are we going to do this, shitface?" Dean growled as he scrambled to reach the angel sword again. Castiel spun a thread of Grace around it and the blade winked out of existence.

Dean, ever the opportunist, grabbed a rock instead and brought it full force against Cas's jaw. "You can rape me," he brought the rock down on Castiel's face again, "torture me," and again "break every bone I have!" Cas struggled to grab Dean's arm but he spun and threw the rock at Cas's temple causing him to see stars. "I'm not going to torture souls for you. Never again!" Dean lunged at Cas and pressed his thumbs hard against the angel's eyes. Cas reached up and touched Dean's forehead, sending him images and putting him to sleep. Dean instantly collapsed, and slumped to the side unconscious.

Castiel sighed. He used Grace to correct his broken nose. His broken jaw. His fractured cheekbone. Then he sat up and looked at Dean. Sadness and despair welled in Castiel and he ran gentle fingers along Dean's stretched ribs. What had they done to him? All these horrible things that were always behind the mask of Castiel's grinning face. Could Dean recover from this? Would be ever be able to look at Cas with love again?

Hot tears stung at his eyes and Castiel scrubbed them away. No time for him to feel sorry for himself. He needed to get to Lucifer's cage and speak with Michael. He knew where it was from watching them both plummet into it so many years ago. Lifting Dean's sleeping soul into his arms, Cas rose into the sky and flew towards the center of hell.

The Angel Redeeming

"Well if it isn't our old pal, Castiel!" Lucifer shouted from within the pit, "Come down here so I can strangle you!" Castiel landed with a soft flourish of feather and gently laid Dean to the ground. He spent a moment to run one gentle finger down the length of Dean's cheek, and then turned to face his two older brothers. Cas swallowed hard but refused to show his trepidation on his face.

He approached the small barred window where Lucifer grinned up at him, and turned to survey the sky above them.

"Interesting... you have a clear view of heaven from here," Castiel said casually and Lucifer's smile vanished.

"Don't you think our father built it that way on purpose Castiel?" He snarled. Cas glanced down at his older brother and saw something in Lucifer's eyes before the angel masked it again. Lucifer hated him. Absolutely despised him. Castiel could understand why, certainly, but it still surprised him that the hate was so personal.

"I came here to speak with Michael," Cas demanded and Lucifer threw his head back in laughter.

"Of course you do!" He bellowed and then pressed his face tight against the bars in a sneer. "Michael is dead!" An instant later, Lucifer was whisked away from the bars and thrown into something in the abysmal darkness within with a loud clatter. The vessel once known as Adam, Dean's brother, appeared in the opening of the cage.

"Hello, Castiel," he said calmly, "please forgive our brother's rudeness."

"Adam... you're still wearing his vessel."

"Of course I am, Castiel. How else could I protect him from Lucifer's wrath? Is it not God's will to protect all humans? At the cost of our own happiness?" Castiel turned and glanced at Dean, still sleeping against hell's dirt. "Why are you here, Castiel?"

"I...I came to free you," Cas said softly.

"Yes!" A voice called out and Michael was thrown to the side as Lucifer's smiling face returned to the window. "Please, Castiel. Let us out so I can rip you limb from limb and then lay into that boy toy human of yours." Castiel stiffened and Lucifer's grin spread wider.

"I told the boys down stairs to go extra slow with him. You should hear the stories they tell me! The way he begged. The way he cried out for you to rescue him..." Lucifer got close, pressing his face hard against the bars, and spoke low to Cas, conspiratorially. "But when we got the idea to have a demon to look like you," Lucifer whistled through his teeth, "That's when the real fun started. We'd build him up and tear him down over and over. Rescue him then betray him. Let him believe that, no, it's really you this time, then gouge out his eyes. We worked him until his hope was smashed into nothing but dust."

"Enough!" Castiel shouted. Closing his eyes, he struggled to will the words away. He struggled to steady his breath and still his trembling hands. Lucifer's chuckle sounded like a dry wheeze.

"He hates you, Castiel," Lucifer cooed, "he hates you for leaving him here. In hell. With me." Lucifer's laughter echoed all around them and the angel didn't even struggle when Michael cast him to the side to take his place. Cas fought to not give in to despair. He should have known they would use Dean's love for him against the man. He should have known how it would change him. When Michael looked up at him, his eyes were filled with sadness.

"Is it true?" Castiel whispered and Michael looked away. Cas scrubbed at his face. "I have to get you out of here. Father agreed to let Dean into heaven if I set you free to return home with him."

"You know I can't do that, Castiel," Michael said sadly, "I can't let Lucifer out of here too." Castiel bit his lip and looked over at Dean once more. He thought about what Michael had said. That they had to protect humans at the expense of their own happiness.

"Let me talk to Lucifer," Castiel said softly, and Michael faded into the darkness.

"Castiel," Lucifer said, a thorny edge to his voice, "for what do I owe the pleasure?" His face waded up the surface and he sneered.

"You are going to let Michael go free," Cas demanded and Lucifer threw his head back in laughter. His laughter seemed to go on and on as he wiped jubilant tears from his eyes.  
"Oh do tell, dear brother," he managed between giggles, "why would I do such a thing as that?"

"Because," Castiel said with a long sigh, "I'll take his place." Lucifer's laughter stopped cold. He looked up and his eyes met with Cas's, staring. Cold hatred burned in those eyes and Cas fought the urge to look away.

"Well..." Lucifer said softly as a slow smile spread across his face. "That's an interesting thought. A new cell mate to...play with." Cas swallowed against the dryness in his throat but still he didn't look away. "How do I know this isn't a trick?" Lucifer baited.

"You have my word," Cas said just as softly, "which unlike from you, means something." Lucifer grinned wider and his fingers crept up to cling to the bars of his cell.

"I like the idea of having you in the pit. Michael has become so boring. But the things I could do to you. The wonderful, painful things... I think we have a deal, Castiel. Come join the party." Cas pressed his lips together tightly to keep them from quivering.

"If we are agreed, then I should put you under...until this is done...So you don't try to trick me." Lucifer grinned and pressed his forehead hard against the bars.

"Do it then," he growled and Castiel's fingers trembled as he touched them to Lucifer's skin. The angel closed his eyes and fell backwards in a deep sleep.

The Angel Sacrificing 

Cas used his angel blade in the lock of the cage. The blade snapped in the process, which Chuck said would probably happen, but Cas didn't need it where he was going anyway. If he had an angel blade, Lucifer could easily overpower him and take it. Cas could not comprehend the levels of torture a creative mind could invent with an angel blade in hand.

When the cage shifted with a soft click, Michael pushed at the door and stepped into freedom. He smiled at Castiel who looked at his hands as tears spilled down his face.

"Castiel," he said softly, "brother...I cannot thank you enough for this."

"I don't need your thanks just...just make sure he's safe," Cas said as he glanced at Dean and Michael nodded.

Cas looked back at his brother and held Michael's gaze. "I need you to do one more thing for me, brother. I'm not...I'm not strong enough to do it myself."

"Anything," Michael said calmly. Cas looked at Dean once more.

"Erase his memories if this place. Erase every memory he has of me. I can't have him coming back here and getting himself killed trying to rescue me. He can't know who I am to him anymore." Michael blinked in surprise, but then his face softened into a smile.

"Protect all humans..." He said softly.

"...at the cost of our own happiness," Castiel finished and more tears fell down his cheeks.

Michael turned and leaned over Dean. He gently touched fingers to the man's head and Dean gasped from the glow of his holy embrace. Opening his eyes, Dean peered up at Michael standing over him.

"Where...am I?" Dean asked softly and Michael pulled him to his feet.

"You are dead, Dean, and I am here to take you to heaven." Michael snapped his fingers and Dean looked down to see he was fully clothed in his usually faded denim and dusty flannel.

"Well that's...great! Is Sam alright?"

"Sam is well. Sam is happy," Michael said and Dean smiled. He turned then to follow the angel but movement caught his eye. Looking back, his eyes found Cas.

"Hello," he said pleasantly, "are you coming too?"

"No..." Cas said softly, and his smile pushed more tears from his eyes. "No, I have to stay here. I gave my word." Dean hesitated a moment and then walked towards Castiel.  
Cas held his breath and his body trembled as Dean closed the space between them. His hooded eyes met Cas's wide teary ones and Dean reached out with gentle knowing fingers to tug Castiel's tie straight.

"Good luck, buddy," he said and clapped Cas on the shoulder.

"You too," Cas whispered as he watched Dean walk away. He lowered himself gingerly into the cage and Michael closed the lid over him. Cas could hear the loud clack of ancient magic warded bars slipping back into place, and he sought out the small windowed opening.  
His cold fingers slipped around the bars and Castiel wept. He watched as Dean was lifted in Michael's arms and Cas realized his tears were those of happiness. Dean was safe. Dean was where he would be protected and in the end, that was all that mattered.

Lifting his clear blue eyes up to the sky, Cas watched Dean ascend into heaven. He quietly hoped that the man he loved didn't look back to see him crying so far down below.  
And by some small mercy, Dean never did.

The End.


End file.
